BS: not just my initials

this blog has moved

2010-09-25T14:44:00.001-04:00

:(

http://sweetin.net/blog

smile if you're gay!

2008-06-26T12:45:00.001-04:00

NEW BLOG BIATCHES - http://sweetin.net/blog

2 quote Fran Drescher

2008-06-12T11:43:00.004-04:00

"this was a painful marker in my life, that shifted the course of my life and changed me for the better, forever."

So my black eyes are all healed up now and I'm semi normal. Semi as in the bump on my head is still a problem - my mood swings, my absolute panic when the man on the subway dropped his cane on my foot - when i see a person walking towards me with even an umbrella - with loud noises - my utter lack of concentration - with EVERYTHING!

i can't read nearly as fast as i used to - i feel stupid for the first time in my life - not silly or blond - but honestly stupid. they say that any brain injury take a long time to recover - and a second degree concussion is extensive - some things will never go away nor will others ever come back.

and I can remember so vividly being about 9 praying while trying to fall asleep. I prayed for my loved ones, my cat, and that nothing happened to my legs. I was so worried for so many years that i would never be able to dance - that something fluke would happen like a car accident, my shoe lace getting jammed in an escalator and my leg getting crumbled - that i would just wake up and boom no movement. at that time i defined my life around dancing - i couldn't image a life worth living without dancing.

In my vanity I never expected my face to change - to look into a mirror and not see myself. it is not nearly as bad as it was - as anyone (esp my poor co-workers who barley new me a min when they saw me all swollen eyed and purple) will tell you. but that doesn't mean i don't still see the hideous swelling, the pulsing bulge and indentation from his cane, the green skin around my nose, the darkest eggplant on my eye lids and cheeks - BUT now I tell myself everyday - be thankful it is only this: a memory, flash back - in the mirror now is a woman with only the smallest discoloration under her eyes, the faintest numbness on her forehead, the half dollar bump on her temple - be thankful you are fucking alive.

as much as it sucks to still have a bump and all this crazy going on inside my brain - i am so thankful to have my sister, my mother, father, brother, my erin, sue's erin, shawn, itzel, orla, maureen, weez, ty bunny, dana, phyllis, ricky, rachel, my volunteering, my dog, my job, my community, both my grandmothers' spirits and divine intercession, my faith, and oh yes, my legs - cause i'm going to keep on dancin - ain't nothing gonna hold me down! oh no! I got 2 keep on movin!

------------------- more quotes that accurately describe the state i'm in ------

"There is healing in the bitter cup." ~ Southey

"In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on." ~ Robert Frost

"and god help you if you are a phoenix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying past

i'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and i would like to state for the record
i did everything that i could do
i'm not saying that i'm a saint
i just don't want to live that way
no, i will never be a saint
but i will always say

squint your eyes and look closer
i'm not between you and your ambition
i am a poster girl with no poster
i am thirty-two flavors and then some
and i'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said" ~ ani difranco

so i'm sitting in the marketing meeting...

2008-06-10T11:04:00.011-04:00

and AdLady says "Forbes Global List 2000..."

AdGuy responds, "Sounds international"

and my inner voice was all Ty Bunny going "Check out the big brain on Brad"

watch the clip here

Its friday night

2008-06-07T01:39:00.002-04:00

And they feel alright

(maureen, ty, & that's matt attacking sue in the background)

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Its 9:15 on Friday

2008-06-06T09:13:00.000-04:00

And I'm the only lady here!

Have a great Friday everyone

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

I Designed THIS!

2008-06-05T08:36:00.002-04:00

(and ERIN edited it & we are cool & we need $ so buy it won't ya?)

http://www.lulu.com/content/2293351

why didn't you know what was going on - or hear anything?

2008-05-16T23:31:00.002-04:00

oh riiiggghhhtt

b/c you made sure YOU were safe in the bathroom and left me and sue to take out the trash you brought home.

It seems appropriate

2008-05-01T09:22:00.001-04:00

May Day
by Phillis Levin

I've decided to waste my life again,
Like I used to: get drunk on
The light in the leaves, find a wall
Against which something can happen,

Whatever may have happened
Long ago—let a bullet hole echoing
The will of an executioner, a crevice
In which a love note was hidden,

Be a cell where a struggling tendril
Utters a few spare syllables at dawn.
I've decided to waste my life
In a new way, to forget whoever

Touched a hair on my head, because
It doesn't matter what came to pass,
Only that it passed, because we repeat
Ourselves, we repeat ourselves.

I've decided to walk a long way
Out of the way, to allow something
Dreaded to waken for no good reason,
Let it go without saying,

Let it go as it will to the place
It will go without saying: a wall
Against which a body was pressed
For no good reason, other than this.

---------------

schaffer oil '08 season begins tonight!

where were you in '92?

2008-04-30T20:56:00.000-04:00

long time no blog, eh?

i kno i kno blog is the new catch phrase - so if you don't like it go blog yourself.

so why the stark decline of exciting blogging by bridget (or if you poll my sister 'inane boring snoozeville ramblings') Let's review in a list style outline, shall we?

WHY YOU NO BLOG NO MORE?

a) the writers strike
b) too much drama
c) new job
d) overall over saturation with 'new' media b/c I now officially work in the industry
e) ricky
f) i've run out of things 2 say (yeah ok I don't even believe this)
g) Y2k
h) el nino
i) crushing on a boy and a girl and a girl and an ftm and an old flame all at once is hard work
j) blogging really got in the way of my drinking habits

but good news - the bitch is back and we all know that bitch is the new blog!

3 - 13 - 08

2008-03-13T15:11:00.000-04:00

Until the Violence Stops

2008-02-14T10:25:00.010-05:00

Some Stats:

Every two minutes, somewhere in America, someone is sexually assaulted.

The World Health Org's Study investigated two important aspects of women’s attitudes to partner violence:

the circumstances under which women
believe that a man is justified in beating
his wife (wife-beating is probably the most
common expression for physical violence by
a male partner

women’s beliefs about whether and when
a woman may refuse to have sex with
her husband

Fact #6: The National College Women Sexual Victimization Study estimated that between 1 in 4 and 1 in 5 college women experience completed or attempted rape during their college years

MEN can stop

Globally, at least one in three women and girls is beaten or sexually abused in her lifetime. (UN Commission on the Status of Women, 2/28/00)

Resources

Wikkipedia's Rape Stats
Feminist.com's Rape Stats
Men can Stop Rape
V Day
World Health Org's Gender Violence Study

my thoughts on Sexism, Homophobia, and Racism

2008-02-02T01:33:00.000-05:00

it's like a pot of boiling water -- yes we have turned down the heat, but we certainty can't leave the kitchen.

My Cheeseburger, Do you have it?

2008-02-01T10:41:00.000-05:00

That's exactly how I feel about getting paid on time!

[sue]: why are you so upset? do you owe the mob money?
[me]: nope
[sue]: are you planning on leaving the country, buying drugs? cause there's no reason 2 be this upset.
[me]:lmao you are so right. i need 2 get over it
[sue]: go watch something funny on youtube.

and so I did

and now i feel much better - I'm red and my eyes are bloodshot but a least i can laugh now

Q: It's 7:30AM. Do you know where bridget is?

2008-01-29T07:40:00.001-05:00

A: At work

image inspired by Itzel

[another q: when is bridget getting her eyebrows waxed? a:today!]

Tgif!

2008-01-25T17:57:00.000-05:00

What a crazy day! So many projects 2 complete all while meeting up with my rachey 4 lunch (Indian : lamb curry and random apps of which we didn't kno the names) and matty j 4 drinks! I'm not sure where we r going 2night but I'm hopin its on the cheaps since my beach house payment just kicked in!

I was able 2 show Rachel around the office while everyone trickled in from lunch.

"doesn't it look like hogwarts?" me

"it really does!"

Its 2 bad we were so punctual or we could have stumbled upon this orphaned chalkboard (who uses chalk anymore?) outside my office!

"how do you not get lost in here? With all these windy stairwells? Or do you?" rach
"I kno! we complained at rit about all the right angles everywhere but its like now I get it! I finally understand the need 4 the uniformity!"

Howevs neither of us pointed out how i often found myself lost in the tunnels and buildings of rit which I didn't frequent.

---

I also had the IACI (Irish American cultural institute - check out the Irish way program I'm in the pick in the bright yellow track pants ---hey b nice it was 8 yrs ago!) wine tasting in mo town last night.

<-- that was like a mini post in those parenthesis! -->

It was really lovely! I learned somethings for about a nano second and then quickly washed those facts away with some glorious wine.

"this smells like the 1&9" me
"wet garbage" adrienne
"dirty laundry" Brian

We drank it anyway.

And during my buzz I thought about how me and Matt used 2 drink a bottle of wine in our corporate finance class out of a nalgene bottle and act like no one had any idea what we were up 2. Yeah right!

The event was really great - a great mix of people both old and new. A good turn out from meetup.com which was interesting bc the IACI is like one big family party. At first you're not sure how each of you is related but eventually you figure out ur common experiences. The meetup people were more general in their connections " I'm part Irish - I like 2 golf - I hear its a great place 2 visit " vs the irish way kids "I went in 2000 - oh when Brendan was still running it? - my brother went in 92 - oh my sister was a counselor then - no homestay?! " etc etc

Taryn and I ended up in the kitchen doing dish duty (she washing, me dryin). In between the grind we ate chocolate black forest cupcakes and drank dessert wine out of paper cups - - no need 2 wash xtra! It was great minus the back ache and a leaky container of crab dip.

The whole night made me really miss Orla, Nora, Mo & everyone! I think I may start planning a reunion soon. Maybe in the summer at 5 north main! How fun!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Office Supplies can be Fun!

2008-01-24T12:16:00.000-05:00

made with packaging tape

I'd like to think that Mark Khaisman was incredibly inspired to create such master pieces after having a shipment of new office supplies delivered to his cubicle. Or perhaps he moonlights at UPS on weekends and just found the monotonous 'brown' a malleable medium begging 2 be transformed into amber waves of grain -- er you understand.

Check him out HERE you won't be disappointed.

My eyes r bloodshot

2008-01-23T18:37:00.000-05:00

Bc I left my glasses at work(grrrrr!) but I just had 2 finish "the gum thief" by Douglas coupland

Its a great story and well I just couldn't not read it. Howeva annoying cell phone girl "this is amber I'm on my cell " (gee, really?) sitting next 2 me must think I do lines on my lunch break.

It also doesn't help that my head popped off my pillow 2day at 5am - this has never happened 2 me b4 ive already put a call into my Dr! Is my biological clock on crack?

Wow this post is just dripping with drug references!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

"14. i have criss-crossed the world of believing a million times and i have not even moved up outta my chair"

2008-01-22T20:15:00.000-05:00

- Corane Howell - brilliant slam poet - who happens 2 be moonlighting at Columbia for school! I hope I can run into her live show on campus!

----

first brad now heath...who's next devon?

"Gently then, lean closer and light your cigarette or not. but don't let go of my hand"

2008-01-21T22:43:00.001-05:00

- Jeremy Huggings, "Hands, Holding"

its been a day of quotes - some from songs, others from poems, and more still from text messages. i will print them out, paint them, tattoo some fabric. each line in abstract just one pixel as part of this whole mega-watt day/night/day has been.

" The aguey tendon, the sin, the sin.
The tinder cries.
The indelible smell

Of a snuffed candle! " - 'Fever 103' S.Plath

"Oh and I'm feeling
Directionless yes
But that's to be expected
And I know that best " tegan and sara "Soil, Soil"

"I drive around the block
And I'm not looking to my right
I feel the glass against my cheek
And I can't see you in the light
I break my heart around this
Break my heart around this pole" tegan and sara "Burn your life down"

"I'm gonna f*** it up again
I'm gonna do another detour
Unpave my path
And if you wanna make sense
Whatcha looking at me for" fiona apple "mistake"

"well that's one way to spend MLK day"

"So you want to break it up to try to fix it up? that's your fucking genius idea?!" Puchi "El Cantante"

"It's a hard day for dreaming again" Rilo Kiley

"As my Scotch, spared the water, blondly sloshes
About its tumbler, and gay manic flame
Is snapping in the fireplace, I grow youthful:
I realize that calendars aren’t truthful
And that for all of my grand unsuccesses
External causes are to blame. " Timothy Steele 'On the Eve of a Birthday'

Who eats carrots in a library?

2008-01-16T11:29:00.000-05:00

That's how it felt yesterday when I was eating my little snack of carrots and celery - like I was in a library. Dead silence while everyone worked. not even keys clicking away while people typed. at first I dove right into my bag without a thought. then after hearing someone cough and being startled i realized that everyone could probably hear my chewing. i had to stop b/c i was grossing myself out.

today I'm wearing my boots - you know those ones that sound like a horses hoof clopping along b/c they need to be reheeled - well I'm walking to the loo and i am echoing like crazy - if the shoes were a bit less than 4 inches i could tip toe but nooooOOOOO. I'm a short stack I have to wear high heels! On my way back from the loo --- i see that there is an exam going on in the room next to my office. brilliant! i just hope my cadence didn't really mess up their entrance exams or what have you and that these boots haven't ruined any possible future for them.

Tomorrow I'm wearing slippers and eating ~~toast~~ damn it - bread!

You think I'm cute don't you

2008-01-15T22:00:00.000-05:00

said the homeless man in a Yankee's vinyl jacket with a hoodie and sweats. He first asked me to move out of his way and then I said "sure thing" and gave him and his 10 - years - without - shaving - gerrycurled - prolly - infested - with - thirty - kinds - o'lice beard plenty of room 2 exit.

yelling and getting a bit too friendly he goes "You think i'm cute don't you! You want a piece of this?"

and for reasons that escape me I blushed, looked down at the floor and blushed. people were laughing and hooting and hollering.

Bing-Bong "please stand clear of the closing doors" he puts his hand up for the guy on the platform and gives him a high five - "I still got it man!" and did a little james brown twirl.

In Honor of Jenny Schecter

2008-01-08T21:36:00.000-05:00

and the L Word Premiere (watch it online here!) I'm going to tell you all a lovely fictional story:

The girl who had no opinion on manatees per say...
(for those non l word viewers - this is a crack and JS --> review more jokes at her expense at KC & Elka's or at Riese's hizzle)

When young Brigitta von Trapp was first introduced to Julie Andrews in a line up with her bros and sisters she smiled and thought "dyke haircut: score!" but that's another story for another day.

After leaving her native land of austria and she shacked up with the great great cousins of Anne Frank. They made sure she kept her austrian culture (with folk dancing etc), but they also encouraged her to learn the english language. Anyone who met her said she had the gift of gab - however when it came to spelling Brigitta was certainly not at the top of the class. She went to college and graduated and took some time to really explore the island culture -- that island being manhattan.

in the course of a year she worked at several organizations from manhattans belly button down to its tip. Once she was ready for a full time commitment - she decided to go meet a lesbian and after 5 mins UHAUL with her...(I can't stop making L word refs!) no no - she decided to get a REAL JOB!

and this is where we see Briggita now - on her first day at work at her new job -- Hogwarts A school for wayward girls(or wizards she mixes them up sometimes).

She is wearing a bright christmas green dress shirt with pressed black pants. She climbs the steps to Hogwarts Professors of Wizardry building and we can see her black faux crock high heels. The security guard on her way in smiles at her exclamation "It's my first day!" and tells her she looks very pretty - that she's wrapped up like a christmas herseys kiss.

she is incredibly nervy as she opens the door to her office and sees Falcor - her boss - ready to slam her into her work load. She meets the rest of the staff in small steps. First on the left of the door is the straight son of gay power couple Stewart Little and Stretch Armstrong: SS LittleArms. Next on the right is the Fran from Dinosaurs - a little stern on the exterior but Brigitta feels that soon she will have some really nice laughs/tender moments with this one. Behind Fran sits WhatsAHappeninHotStuff. "I'll be training you today on the [name of crazy sounding program]" Brigitta blushes, like she's forgotten her homework in the third grade and will have to get her name written on the board - "Don't worry its just the Hogwarsd intranet," Falcor tells her.

Mrs. Brisby peaks her head above WhatsAHappein's cube wall - she can't shake Brigitta's hand, she coughs, because she has a bit of a cold. And with a sneez to her left, brigitta meets Woody. "I had PETA all over me for that incident with My Little Pony, so i hung up the cowboy books for this." Birgitta thinks the navy argyle sweater looks lovley but the glasses and pocket protector are over kill.

Finally she reaches the back of the office - where two cubes rest - both alike in dignity but worlds apart in organization. No surprise that the color coordinated sticky noted cube belongs to Velma - now in her 60s and still kickin it Scooby Style. the other, explosion of papers and mailings and to do lists written on napkins, belongs to Rikki Lake (Brigitta first thought she was Mrs. Wingo from doug but when you google that BAD things show up in the images and she also yes, "Yes, I'm Rikki lake - not post op-Carney Wilson or mrs Wingo from doug" [shudder])

Her first day : a mass of colorful characters and squeaky marble stairs. "i think I like this place..." she thinks pulling into her empty cube - flicking on the monitor and hearing a purr of opportunity. a small smile creeps on her face in the blue glow and the sound of windows staring up.

First day!

2008-01-02T12:33:00.000-05:00

Though I can't really say anything at all about my current employer I can say that the sights and signage r awesome !
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Merry Christmas, One and All

2007-12-25T22:06:00.000-05:00

more details 2 follow but first check out the new camera!

Hi Blog. It's me, Bridget.

2007-12-23T23:12:00.000-05:00

Where have you been all my life?
i've been doing women's work - dressing up in power suits and interviewing/working all over the Gotham city! I've literally gone to over 20 interviews - even 3 in one day - and now consider my self to be quite a pro. I look at these interviews as more of a conversation rather than a test that I could potentially fail. I've started assessing the way people interview me now too - instead of just sitting behind the desk posture perfect thinking "LIKE ME LIKE ME LIKE ME" - i now think "LIKE ME - do i like you? -LIKE ME!" which is pretty awesome.

I've also started a per diem assignment at HFMUS.com -> seriously BRILLIANT place to work! Everyone who hasn't applied should! The people = amazing, good hearted, talented and funny. It will be sad to leave them...because I'm going to COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY!!

Shut up! I know!

I can't quite believe it yet either - I just accepted the offer on Thursday! I will be working technically in the Teachers College - more specifically in their web department. I'm really excited! The people seem pretty amazing and HOLLA grad school! AT COL-UM-BIA!

I was super nervy about hearing from them - I felt like it was going to turn out like all the good things that have this year -> in the shitter. IE HFMUS - awesome place- love the people but it was only for 8 weeks promised and now i'm bouncing after 8 days :/ or RDAi the little company the couldn't justify keeping me more than 2 weeks - or Random House which never ever called me back after 3 rocking interviews.

But now I see - that 2008 is the year for me (that even rhymed without trying a clear sign of good tidings in my future).

On 1/2/08 I begin my life as a Columbia Employee and about a minuet after that I start the most wonderful thing ever ... back 2 school shopping!!

Mark it with a 'B' put it in the oven for Blogging & me
Like I said, its been a solid two months of women's work. I've been in the kitchen with me ma, and sister, and sometimes solo, making the sweetest treats for christmas! my adventures in confectionary wonders include:

* chocolate chip cookies
* coconut dream bars
* apricot squares
* lindsor tarts
* angel cookies
* peanut butter flowerettes (shawn:that picture is amazing! we should make a whole batch like that for a lez party!)
* 70's pressed cookies
* chocolate chip banana nut bread

I messed up a few christmas trees and finally go so pissed i just let the blobs be - and then i decided to take the knife i was about to stab into my hand rendering me unable to complete any more baking b/c the stupid cookie cutting was going so horribly, and instead mark those blobs with a b and cover them in red sprinkles. obvs i ate them as soon as they popped out the oven.

I've also become the J.Shot Maven. I've made around 100+ jello Shots which Sue which we used to barter for free food, beer, and a warm place to hangout at the Jet Game. Too bad those fucks lost or else it would have been a perfect day!

Everyone Blogging merrily in the new old fashioned way

Tis the season 2 party and be merry! And let me tell u -- I have managed 2 sneak out a few good parties in b4 07 bid us adieu. Erin was the grinch and I won free porn! Most recently, I went to the unofficial RDAi holiday party which was amazing - hung out Tracy Ulman among other awesome party guests - one who made a spectacular fall up the front steps "I'm amazed these Ann Taylor Tights held up!" - and at one point I was calling someone's girlfriend my fortune cookie the whole night b/c she and I were doing miss cleo impressions on the front stoop (it made more sense drunk I promise).

Getting to Maspeth was a nightmare (obvs getting lost) but the ride home was hilarious! Singing Hey Paula and Old Skool Shina Twaine "Who's bed have your boots been under!" and talking about the various shades of gray between a woman's bush -> Shaved or Renaissance? "Which do you prefer?"

According Tracey Ulman and her wing-lady Isabella - "Columbia is crawling with lesbians" however according to my mother "Its a very liberal establishment" (smile) - I'm hoping it's a little of both with a healthy dose of LGBT friendly men folk.

Visions of Sugar Blogs Dancing in their Heads

Since my sleep has been rattled by constant nerves - I've had intense vidid dreams. 2 with stacy london (don't get ahead of yourself - we were FREIDNS in the dreams not lovers). And one with Rose! Rose of Next great American Band Fame - aka a dear friend who makes a really hysterical guitar hero / singstar opponent at 5 AM after drinking our faces off at PRIDE in Chicago. More specifically I dreamt that I had to maneuver Rose around this really shady town so that she could meet up with Laurel. But this meeting was planned in secret and it was up to me to deliver - surprise surprise i got lost and Rose was like "isn't that Lorelle's PT cruiser?" Waking up I felt really bad that Lorelle has such a hideous car in my dream.

You can check out Rockin Rose and her band Dot Dot Dot on Youtube ->

---

and on a completely different note -> the 2008 bisexual power couple contestants have been revealed:

yes we bi's would do BOTH of them ;]

J e t s!

2007-12-09T14:02:00.000-05:00

Jets! Jets! Jets!!

Me & Sue sellin jello shots b4 the game!

And by sellin we also mean bartering 4 beer & food!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Reunited & it feels so good

2007-12-01T18:00:00.000-05:00

Lunch and day of fun with rachey rach!

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

For E

2007-11-28T13:06:00.000-05:00

----------------------

not to be confused with my erin --> erin k carrington or as I call her these days: Caradino

~johnjohn~~johnjohn

although they are both My erin's now - just E is technically my sisters best friend from college and erin is my bff from growing up gotti on the west side of flo po what what?!

recapping will be arriving LATE

2007-11-27T22:15:00.000-05:00

I think i'm passed the fashionably late deadline - since the show aired Friday at 10 pm and it's now Tues at 11.

But let me just say this:

recapping is mad crazy hard yo!

Esp when you have the show on your dvr that's connected to your parent's ginormo TV with no real idea of how to screen capture it to your powerbookG4. maybe i'll just take digital picture of it with an actual camera? I don't know how you people (yeah you and you) do it all the time! Ya'llz the craziest bunch a white folks I ever seen! (this is a take off the quote "Y'all is the horniest bunch of white folks I ever seen! " from a super great movie called Shag - if you haven't seen it - RENT IT with your gal pals. the same ones that paused Now & then when devin sawa has a basket over his pecker squealing "i think i see it!!")

and another thing...

the band that shall not be named - the band that ruined the theme song to the L word - the band that i loath - yeah THAT band...

SINGS THE THEME SONG TO FASHIONABLY LATE!

[me]: omg - is this (gulp) be**y?
[erin]: no - it can't be!
[me]: i will srsly be pissed if
[erin]: although it kinda does sound like them
[me]: NOOO!!!! WHY?!!!

in spirit of big exit's artist adventures in recapping of life - i am attaching a re-enactment shot of the closing credits where the band that shall not be named is featured.

that's me with the green eyes pulling out her hair - and that's erin sitting next to me. Stacy is standing with her makeover contestant when the credits were rolling. notice also the gay theme background and wall o shoes. itzel this image should vaguely remind you of our freshman year of college...

the giving of thanks

2007-11-26T23:45:00.000-05:00

as enjoyed by the sweetin and coveney clan...

Something borrowed...

Last week I listened to one of my all time favorite poets perform! Alix Olson tore up the stage at Bar 13 with two awesome poems that I had never heard before. She answered some Q+A's and then hung out to chat with me and autographed my copy of her book - Word Warriors.

She's super pretty in person & v. chill - and as per my usual when i meet someone of relative importance/fame I say something really stupid.

"You are real" i say while poking her in the arm.
"And so are you" she responds poking back and laughing.

smooth Alix - thanks for letting me be a complete dork.

The whole time i was listening 2 really great performers I kept remembering the way monica was making fun of slam/spoken word artists. Puffed up tall like a peacock she would stand at her desk and announce in a very serious voice that "Cumulus. Is. A. Tool. Thatyoucanuse. To. organize. your. ASSSSSSSSEtSSSSSS" I just wish monica actually enjoyed it b/c compared 2 some of the people who took to the stage during the open mic-> she could have a future in the field. But then again i can't take anything away from the people who did get up enough courage to slam / perform in front of all the great ladies in attendance - talk about pressure!
Crammed in a tiny hot bar, where people were being both rude and respectful - Listening to Lenelle Moise, 'in from Boston - offering up a brand-new poem still ink-wet in the notebook' was amazing! Pretty awesome though 2 c / be there.

something blue

this thanksgiving we topped off desserts with a round of family movies. it was pretty funny - not just the hair styles or the outfits. there was me randomly breaking into song -- which happened regularly apparently -- what song you ask? Oh, just one I'd make up on the spot. Give me a camera and apparently I'm all over it.

"It's rockin roll! yeah i'm talking rockin roll!" [me with a toy mop as my guitar in the middle of the formal living room on one occasion]
"Bridget, be careful with your guitar - don't knock anything over" [my aunt marie, the sweetest for calling it a guitar and not a toy mop]

the movies also have me getting in the way of .... EVERYTHING! Seriously at one point during Joseph's first bday party - in which he is clearly too young to enjoy his toys so I partake in playing with them - literally everyone gets on my case! Nana, Uncle Joe, My sister(she's like the loudest one obvs), my dad, aunt marie, and baby joe even pushes me over -- they ask me to leave the room at one point. like really people? was watching little pumpkin face joseph do the diaper shuffle around the living room groundbreaking documentary filming? apparently.

it was really kinda sad though to hear nana's voice again, clear as a bell singing to Joseph like she always did "Joseph Thomas Cov-en-ney I love you and you love me!" and then he'd blow her kisses and giggle like a loon! So cute.

Obvs, there is footage of me sharing a tender moment with nana - I am singing happy birthday to her. I ruin this hallmark moment by telling nana to "SHHH!!!" and covering her mouth so only I can be heard singing. classy, bridget.

something old & something new

As is tradition in college towns the weds before thanksgiving is a party night. Sue, Erin and I decided to skip the highschool reunion that was bound to happen if we kept it low key by parting in Mo-town. We, instead, headed into the city for what heralded to be a night of copious drink specials and FREE JELLO SHOTS!

[erin over email] free jello shots? done and done.
[sue over voicemail] i'm in - what time are we going? 4:30 - 5 ish?

however once we got to crime scene we assessed our situation as rather dire - it was a drinking event masked as a single & mingle party --> PISS POOR!

I did run into a good pal from RIT though - v. v. random but lovely to see her as always. And we met a funny british guy. Unfortunately after about an hour of talking to us, he figured out we were not on the menu of do-able candidates b/c we have boyfriends (or in my case that I am technically half a fag) he bounced super fast. Sue did manage to tear some guy a new one after he ran into her on purpose. like literally bumped -- for no reason -- it wasn't THAT crowded.

[sue]: who brings a bookbag to a bar?
[lunatic]: um I do
[sue]: well u are too old to be a student - what are you a teacher or something? and who taught u how to walk? a line baker? and seriously dude, pleated pants?
[lunatic]: what's wrong with my pants?
[sue]: if you have to ask - that's the problem.

We rounded out the weekend by doing something NEW! Going to a christmas fireman parade. Which sounds like a really good idea in theory. Except that it was negative 40 outside, I didn't wear socks, and none of the fireman were do-able. Not even the gay ladies. :(

however, 5 dollar mug for all you can drink was not a bad deal. I proceeded to get tanked and dance the night away with my best pal o roos! And we met dana's cute new boy du jour. he's very sweet and obvs has the hookup on drink specials in his hood.

When erin hits me up with pictures I will be sure 2 post them - cause i know i look like a winner. a drunk winner. but a winner all the same!

Stacy London Fashionably Late Recap Blog

2007-11-24T01:13:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of my favorite things (The Planet Cast, Reise, and of course Stacy London) I will hence forth be recapping FASHIONABLY LATE episodes. Or at the very least, the episode in which I appear!

For those of you not familiar with a recap type blog and/or format I refer you to Auto-Straddle (a very homosexy TV recap hub) and the planet cast (tasty bites of audible recaps). I will be using similar formats to theirs, because I am too cheap to create my own ideas.

And to kick off this awesome new portion of this blog ala Bridget, I will recap the 3 promos which appear on TLC regularly and the Behind the scenes video available via the Fashionably Late Website.

Bridget - doing recaps? Shut up! I know!

------------------------------------

Behind the Scenes

Montage of stacey smiling, sitting pretty, and giggling with her buddies on set while announcer guy announces stuff.

"Day One: We're shooting and I'm in Bright Blue"

There behind the magic curtain appears the lady herself: Stacy london.

SEXY HOT MOMENT 1: Stacy draws our attention to her already sumptuous lips.
"I still don't have a lip on because we put that on set." Really? Cause your lips are A1FunkyBoss! How cute is she using TV lingo about makeup - like this is the fashion institute of amazing and our first lesson in vocabulary - she's like what Dean Porter strives to be.

"Do you see what is before me?"

SEXY HOT MOMENT 2: Stacy London in bed!
Surrounded by lovely purses and shoes and dresses Oh MY!
"This is any shoppers dream, any girls dream really" - yes, Stacy London - it sure is.

Which brings me to my equally obsessed gal pal Erin

"can you imagine - a candy apple filled with nutella? Is there anything better than that?" - erin
"stacy london naked in my bed" - me

And poof! There she is, in a bed talking to me! (and you and you and you)

"I think this is a prop but I kind of want it!"

cute stacy gushing about her love of fashion. Coveting is the first step to getting laid or a deadly sin I forget which.

"You see, it's very hot in here because..."

Our second lesson, though not told to us by papi in a fake ass raggedy accent over a poker game, is just as important. It is hot in the studio because obvs Stacy London is smockin! She looks so effervescent and crisp, even though apparently she is sweating like a maniac -->inadvertent Jennifer Beals reference <--

"matthew's had to put tons of powder on me"
I think it goes without saying that we love matthew for making her look so amazing even though she's sweating - but that we also hate matthew because he gets to fondle her repeatedly...and by fondle I mean blot away her sweat. It's not technically a sexy moment. She looks so damn pretty and fresh in this shot. And she shows off her neck to reveal amazing earrings that she gets giggly about - "SHUT UP! OMG!"

SEXY HOT MOMENT 3: Stacy Zips up her dress
It is the hottest shot ever: her back, the black bra, a sound of a zipper, her dainty hands, and a hot bracelet. It's even better in rewind! And she makes those faces in the mirror while she plays dress up, which all girls do -- stacy is every girl on every magazine (and i said look at you this morning - you are by far the cutest).

sexy hot moments: 3+
overall rating: 9 --> v. sexy foreplay

--------------------

Promo Clip 1:
Very snazzy disco music like we are all on the set of QaF circa 2001 and/or the sex and city episode when they all went to the gay club and got free guy on guy porn. A few shots of three gal pals (aka fellow lesbian/gay/tran/bisexuals who enjoy London Lovin) getting ready for a night on the town.

Cut to a super sexy shot of the Christian Lubertant shoes (which beteedubs I posed as my facebook item like 10 months ago). All three ladies plop on the couch and fire up the ol'boob tube.

"Make yourselves comfortable - does everybody need a cocktail?" says Stacy in a pretty red number. All three girls grab each other in excitement - oh wait no that was me and erin in real life -

A brief interlude to a strip show - with the metallic trench coat revealing SEXY Stacy beneath.

Cut to Rebecca Romaijn -> the new trans icon ala Ugly Betty.

some lucky dude with a pepper grinder --> ok if this show had a villain it would be him. My jealousy of him burns like nuclear winter - in my soul.

Oh, I'm better now b/c HELLOW LEGS!

sexy hot moments: 2
overall rating: 8 --> despite attempts to straighten her out (which if you think about it is really an ironic phrase - straighten OUT) with pepper grinder villain - she has legs that go for days!

---------------

Promo 2
very cute up close shot. If you were seriously obsessed you would stand close to the tv and try to kiss it- if you are just a devoted fan you think about this but don't actually go through with it.

That very funny giggle of hers - which is real people! It makes me really happy to know that someone as pretty as she is can have a funny laugh. I, as many of you know, have a crazy waked out laugh. When you first meet me, you think its fake. But trust me it's real and if you get me really going, i end up with the hiccups.

funny actions with tongue darting around while she messes up a line -> lesson #3 kiddies: you can make mistakes but look cute doing them if you know how to use your tongue.

sexy hot moments: 1
overall rating: 5 --> first date flirting

---------------

Promo 3
Let's just say that I inspired the black lace number she is sporting. Here's how i think it went. We wrap our day of shooting. While she and rebecca romaijn are doing shots of tequila in the dressing room (more on that in the recap of EPISODE 1) Stacy tells her wardrobe people that she MUST be in black lace tomorrow because a stunning young woman with blonde hair and green eyes & a killer rack, wore black lace to the taping today.

"And since no one can find her information so I can call her up and be her BFF-FL, I will just show her I think she rocks by sporting her look tmrw!"

Yes, it either happened like that or she fired someone who lost my information and is now combing the streets looking for me.

there is hand holding, girls kissing, and bra & panty shopping in our future. attention: there is hand holding, girls kissing, and bra & panty shopping in our future.

BLAST! return of the PEPPER GRINDER DUDE!

Stacy enjoys women in fur with glow in the dark undies --> its kinky but we can work it out. I'll allow that if she lets me use the handcuffs. relationships are all about compromise right?

sexy hot moments: 2
overall rating: 7 --> our future looks bright!

I need more gay friends...

2007-11-15T15:51:00.000-05:00

Doodles = in rochester

Shawny b (and the rest of that motley crew) = in Chicago

Brendyn = in Seattle

NYC Dykes = 1) new-x-coworker ( Yay! New friend whos gay! )
2) margaret who tech. lives in long island and continues to blow me off

how does one go about amassing a friendly band of lady loving ladies?
Im always more inclined 2 become better friends with someone drunk - so whos buying the drinks?

anyone?

anyone?

People are so sad sometimes...

2007-11-14T17:21:00.001-05:00

I told her that i was on a rampage today - and that its best if I don't talk to her EX-gf because like my mother always told me, "if you don't have anything nice to say - don't say anything at all."

but then the bitch IMd me...

(sounds of cracking fists and knuckles)

[twat faced whore]: nice quote
[my away message @ my best friend - twat's EX]
[me]: do yourself a favor and don't speak to me.
[twat faced whore]: just making a comment and [My BFF/her EX] isn't exactly innocent in this whole thing either...

--- pause here ---
I laughed so loud I scared my dog - is she kidding me?

how pathetic can you be, IMing your ex gf's friends?

What do you expect me to say really? "Wow geez, you are an insightful twat face. If you hadn't told me this, I'd still be friends with your ex - how nice of you to bring this to my attention- why my friends suck! You are the victim in all this. Can i come over later and comfort you, maybe braid your hair..." really twat face, really?

part of me is sad for her - cause obvs she'll never find anyone as great as my bff - obvs she's going to take like EONS to get over herself and move on. breakin up is hard to do - but really get the fuck on with your life! Don't you have friends you can talk to? oh, no i guess heartless twat faced whore's don't have those either.

i have seen your soul - it's ugly and it smells.
--- resume ---

[me]:haha...i'm gonna be nice right now b/c i'm a forgiving person & ask you again to please, fuck off.

Pronoun: me

2007-11-13T11:55:00.000-05:00

courtesy of itzel...

It's a meme thing - or a forward thing. I don't know what you call it - but its something that occupies me now that I am not on anyone's payroll, not getting any ass, and having an eternal pity party.

---

a word: disenchanted

a scent: kate spade & cocoa

a wish: to get my ass a JOB!

a truth: red + yellow = orange. ;)

a triumph: writing 50,000 words in 30dayz (in '06)

a challenge: getting laid.

a lie: i can spell

i tag: new bloggette stef, old friend nani, and kt

---

"Ain't doing well well well, I am only doing just fine...
It's never been like that! It's never been like that!"
~ Phoenix "Long distance call" (25 hrs a day remix)

im sitting at my kitchen table jamming out to this song. incredibly loud & uncanny in its accuracy of my life right now. My eyes are bloodshot for sure; I've stared at the screen applying for literally 100s of jobs in the past two days. I'm beginning to resign myself to employment opportunities that resemble a Sedaris piece - cleaning for a nudist anyone?

But like she said - its time for I Heart Rock Bottom t-shirts..."that is the only thing you can do in life, is just wait for the next joke. so we should just try to laugh and make out" --> fuck t-shirts! that belongs on a billboard / or as a tat on my ass made by the v. sexy Kim from LA ink <---

---

update on the FF (flirting front) - I've decided that it will be an unadulterated effort. I cannot commit adultery - I just got a shocking reminder of how shitty it is to be on the other end of the Cheating Curve.

"But, Bridget" you say "there's no ring on her finger!"

One of my proudest moments was telling my crush 'no'.

circa 2005: A crowded bar, her girlfriend getting drinks for us, she leans in close and tells me that I am"a great dancer with delicious eyes and a smile that makes my cheeks red" - she's kissing my neck and for a split second I close my eyes and drink in the compliments. But then, almost instantly, my hands on her shoulders, pushing her face away from me "I am nobody's second place."

Fast forward to today: I am best friends with her girlfriend. She, though crush worthy, turned into a maniacal crazy woman. I am proud that i did the right thing. The rest of that night was terrible and involved a near death experience, a secret drop off, and a screaming fest. in short: a shit show on parade.

I wouldn't trade [name of BFF-FL removed] for all the maniacal bitch face crushes in the world.Ya kno, I don't think I've ever told that story before...not even to [BFF-FL].

So even though I am flirting and being reckless - I kno deep down when push comes to shove - I will do the right thing again.

blame it all on the catholic schooling. the nuns may have turned me into a poor spelling - math failing - bisexual with an eating disorder, but they sure as hell didn't turn me into a cheater.

tayna harding hit my love life in the knee caps with a cro-bar...

2007-11-12T09:36:00.000-05:00

After yesterday's cry festival i decided that being reckless is kind of addictive and fun.

allow me to elaborate - i'm checkin her so hard, wonder if she's knows she's on my radar.
<--- that's a britney lyric, bitch! --->

im flirting with a former co-worker who has a long time gf and who is emotionally unavailable...and i'm doing it with style. and after polling a good number of people (between 2 and 5) I have compelling evidence that this effort will pay off.

[jess]: You realize that you can never like, be with this person, ryt? it's just for fun - so go live it up!
[shawn]: she sounds kinda unstable - just have fun with it don't take it too serisously
[erin]: oh, bridgie...i don't know what to tell you...you are crazy.
[weez]: your life is a soap opera.
[jess]: realize that my statement has an expiration date...don't have too much fun.

-----

I don't think listening to music like Leela James ("I'm full from top to the bottom and this ain't no lie - I'm hot like Mississippi burning in the middle of July"), the new britney drop and classic janet ("How many night I've laid in bed excited over you - I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways") is really helping to deter me.

and according to my facebook horoscope:

Bridget,
Sex and healing are manifestations that play a bigger role in your life now. There are a number of people around you who are willing to share their important knowledge. But first you must seek them out. Make the effort to improve your skills.

So all those people I polled, I apparently, need to speak with again.

----

Although thanks 2 the new Auto-Universe - I spent my morning watching Sugar Land on youtube - which is arguably the greatest lesbian oriented sitcom ever (i kno tricky category, loads of competition from ...?) and apply for new jobs.

So now, back to the Operation at hand...Time 2 clean my room and then go work out!

one thousand eight-hundred, twenty five days

2007-11-11T17:23:00.000-05:00

how do you measure a love that you've lost?

--

let's just say it. these past weeks have sucked.

1) my car was stolen
2) my dance shoes also taken
3) my nana sweetin became deathly ill and then passed away
4) I had a job for 2 weeks and then the company promptly downsized.
5) it's the 5th anniversary of nana coveney's death.

now i'm not like huge into numerology or anything but she died on 11-11, which if you add together equals 22 (nana sweetin died on 10-22)

----> crazy i kno! <-----

i just read a tear jerker of a post from dmb-meg who's mother has just passed away from breast cancer. Heart breaking & raw.

death sucks.

i no longer care if dallas kicks the giants ass today. i'll be drinking regardless.

5 mins without talking...

2007-11-10T22:17:00.000-05:00

In training - we are taught to let a silence just be. here's the song I sang while waiting (over an hour) for a response that never came:

That's high school making me chase you around for months
Have an affair act like an adult for once

so I broke the silence and we went on talking like no time had passed - like I didn't just fuck everything up.

------------------

Last night I was at Henrietta hudsons drinking away my pain & the only digits i got were from a "super ghetto" oldie with fish breath. i also got the ol'boot from the job - figures after i open my big mouth about actually HAVING a job - they kindly tell me my services won't be needed anymore. Really, bridget? really.

Thus: OPERATION GET LAID has taken a hit. (without being hit on -- except for fish breath).

so now i'm going to be re-strategizing my future sexploits and get my resume out there. Word on the street is that Leather Emporium on Bleeker is hiring & that there could be a pity lay in my near future. here's hopin!

Spoke 2 soon

2007-11-09T17:59:00.000-05:00

Word...I just got fired...I'm at henrietta hudsons drinkin away my pain..
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

megabit sized kisses...

2007-11-08T20:29:00.000-05:00

I got them from jessica. over IM that is. not in person - but that doesn't mean Operation:Get Laid has not commenced. Officially it began with getting my lazy ass a job. Now, I know you are all curious as to where it is that I've been recently employed. But, based on the recent events over at Reise's blog I have decided that it is NOT in my best interest to a) tell my co-workers that I have a blog or b)publish things work related.

Cause you never know...right?

However, i can say what I am doing without really putting any of my co-workers/clients in some kind jeopardy. I work in a very gay area which is great b/c i can wear my pride flag on my sleeve - though I feel it's more like I'm playing the - I kno ur a gay lady game - with a few people rather than declaring my color of the flag outright.

** side note: outright is my new fav word. it reminds me of Wait Wait Down Tell Me's Carl Kasell - who rocks! **

Still though, I have come to enjoy my walks to and from work, and there is a very sexy specimen at starbucks that enjoys putting extra caramel in my macchiato.

Other parts of my Operation include but are not limited to:

* working out daily
* looking people (esp those that i find attractive) in the eye
* make new friends and go out / aka have a life
* accrue interest on my savings account ( that I will open on sat) to pay my taxes
* cook like the barefoot contessa
* agree to temporally hang up my morals and open my legs to perfect strangers (obvs taking precautions like credit checks & oral swabs).

the feedback has been mixed- at first Itzel was lack luster

[me]: I need to get some asap
[itzel]: nyc has like 8 million people - how are you not getting any? there are bums everywhere
[me]: oh thanks for the vote of confidence ~ so any bum on the street will do me? awesome.
[itzel]: that's not what i mean!
[me]: i've got to go - its singles night at the methadone clinic.
[itzel]: you stupid ass!

however both weez and itzel saw my Twitter post and are cheering me on!

[itzel] Let me know if I can help. I need you to be a better mood. lololol!

[weez]Go bridget ! Go Bridget!

---

I am also kind of in love with this new youtube video. "What the french toast?" is obvs going to be my new fav phrase - i'll start using outright!

Just back from the HoneyMoon...

2007-11-08T17:19:00.002-05:00

Despite what you've heard, I did not run away with Stacy London. Though, we did get engaged. No that's a lie. We def hooked up numerous times before and after the show. No no no. Not true.

But she did tell me how hot i looked! And that is a fact!

I got up the nerve to ask her a question while they were prepping for her next shot - She was sitting at the bar (which obvs I was also next to). I offered in the most weak, trying-not-to-show-how-much-I-really-like-someone voice, "Is it weird to see yourself on TV?"

and she looked at me, with her big brown eyes shinning, and gave me a funny little quip about how she avoids TV altogether incase she runs into herself in the real world. I laugh and then look away - b/c like the sun, she is so pretty she burns your eyes if you look at her outright.

I start watching the people who I hate (aka her co-workers who see her/hang out with her every day) do things that are important, like rig a light somewhere.

and then we SPOKE AGAIN!!

(fiona told me, she saw SL look me up and down )

and SL goes, "by the way, that black lace top is very nice"

WINK & gives the ok sign

---- yes did you hear that ? My pulse stopping? That's because I died right there, yup. I had no more functioning parts to myself. -----

And it gets better!

i smile HUGE, turn bright red, say a meek "Thank you!" and she smiles softly, melts right into my gaze and responds, "really very flattering"

Like really, Bridget? REALLY! Stacey London not only spoke to me - but she WINKED at me - and complimented me -- TWICE!

And let me tell you she was not throwing those around - if any of you have seen her show What Not To Wear (friday nights at nine - watch it & worship) you know how she is. she told some chick her shirt was too small, and the girl's like "my boyfriend shrunk it" and stacy says without missing a beat "did u break up with him yet?"

The free bee's were amazing and the show is great I can't wait to watch it - as should you all! Nov 23rd after WNTW on TLC !

What did i tell you, all the ladies love that lace top.

I know I'll Hold This Loss in My Heart Forever...

2007-10-22T23:52:00.001-04:00

Mary A. Sweetin

Jauary 24, 1923 ~ October 22, 2007

Wolf Parade is the prefect soundtrack

2007-10-16T20:09:00.001-04:00

When you are trying on outfit after outfit, relentlessly struggling to decide what in God's name is appropriate to see Stacy London in real life for the first time.

All the other times I've seen her on TV I've been either drunk at Fi's [our impromptu wine and cheese party : "You totally stole this cheese from your parent's house didn't you?" (fi)"Yes, yes I did" (me) ] or sweating at mutti & vatti's with your laptop open playing a work out dvd ["Tip of the day is to focus on the exercise" (video on laptop) "OMG she's wearing THAT?!" (me at the TV)]

The casting co. has requested we do not wear black b/c it doesn't show up on camera very well, but I mean, I look GOOD in black.

tricky buggars!

The jeans I'm wearing are a dark wash which is kinda breaking the rules so I have to wear something non-black on top - which is becoming a bigger prob than i expected at first - for all 3 of us apparently.

Sue is tempted to wear a turtleneck, I vote 'NAY' if only for the fact that this is in a studio with crazy big lights and crazy amounts of people. Fi is also panicked about the black issue, "I don't think I own anything else but black." Over all though, our boobs are going to be the biggest challenge - as you can see in most footage of us you know why we are called the bomb squad!

I was also tempted to wear my red dress, but it's very light weight, and its mid-oct. There could be a big wardrobe malfunction! And I dunno if that's really appropriate - but it looks hot (its my myspace pic) ---->ew mid-sentence myspace reference <---- and i'll prolly be waving the drunk finger at S.L. on camera too! So in some sense it could be wildly appropriate!

I've just realized that i'll be taking the midtown direct train instead of parking my car at JC which adds about an hour onto my commuting time - how depressing! And its at that weird time of day when all the moms decide their bratty, snot nosed kids ("love muffins all of them! I don't mind a few kicks in the shin! ")need a trip in NYC. I dunno what it is about the train itself that breeds a kind of anarchy but few kids listen to discipline on the train. they run around like wild sprites hell bent on screaming and bumping your seat every chance they get! And even less of them have parents dolling out any discipline at all ("No ma'am, I really don't care that Timmy almost got off at the summit stop, i almost helped him escape.")

or i could wear the good ol'lace top that all the ladies love...except it's black lace! BLAST!

Let the Count Down Begin!

2007-10-16T00:26:00.000-04:00

Itzel has been accepted to NYU
she will be living in NYC & we can be bff-fl all the time
my life will be complete!

I never named you...maybe that's why it was so easy 2 lose you.

2007-10-15T10:49:00.000-04:00

Dear Car Thief,

Please enjoy the judy garland box set cd's I was given for my 16th bday. Better yet, I hope while you are joy riding around the JC area you blast every mix CD ever made for me by friends and family, if only you knew the words you could sing along too. I hope you try on my irish dancing shoes, especially the pair I always carry with me to show my dancers what a well practiced hard shoe looks like - ya know, the pair that's held together with duck tape and love - the pair I wore while dancing at my first world competition. Feel free to drive around with my bra on top of your head like a helmet and you can use my pink terricloth pants to shine up my car before you chop it into bits.

And that suitcase has been to iceland, ireland, and the j.shore - it's been stuffed to the brim many times - so feel free pack all that cash you are going to get for murdering my car right inside it. It all should fit perfectly, especially since you don't need to have room for morals or compassion. That sun hat though, that's my sister's, so please don't put your greasy head in it.

FUCK YOU!

Cheers,
Bridget

Translations with a BFF-FL

2007-10-12T14:22:00.000-04:00

(i'm making that lingo happen people! Pretty soon it'll be on a verizon commercial...think about it)

Itzel: i so dont wanna do work
me: u just want 2 bang on ur drum all day?
Itzel: wut bout a drum?
Itzel: i dont have a drum

i miss my mexican Eskimo :(

----------------------------------------------

It has also come 2 my attention that iVillage management has shut down a preeminent blog force - Grrl Genius.

Erin and many others are mourning the loss of such a voice. screw iVillage and let all bloggers retaliate.

er at least launch a mass spam attack....

RE: Post Below

2007-10-07T23:04:00.001-04:00

I don't think i accurately described just how life altering it will be to see Stacy London - IN THE FLESH!

The email from a sketchy (yet lovable) man named matt who works for some small(but brilliant) casting company says that "Drinks will be served!" Which means that Stacy London will not only be within inches from my body but also, that I could/WILL be drunk enough to talk her and become her BFF for LIFE! (that's right, best friends forever - for life! i said it - now pass it around)

---------

apples = assholes

Thurs 10/4 - Susan's Dinner Party -

I don't know why but it seems that whenever copious amounts of apples are involved, men laking any couth are on the scene. For example, circa 2002 - rachel and I went to the NTID Apple Fest, like most of my first adventures at RIT it was a deaf related event. I kno we were really cool at my INSTITUTE. We arrive at the NTID quad it is as you'd expect, full of deafies, their related clubs and activities, and apples. Immediately we wished we were drunk - in lieu of that - I found the most ridiculous decoration and decided it was ours. While sampling home made apple pie and strudel we trotted around with our neon fuchsia straw hats (that are clearly made to be tacked some where and not on our heads) giggly wildly. Then this really hairy, kinda smelly, stained shirt (hearing) guy stands behind us - very obviously staring down our tops. It was typical, sadly, but this time we were able 2 laugh about it - "Doesn't he look like he's about to say, in a really thick emphysema tone 'Hey, tell your friend she's got nice titties?"

we still laugh about it.

However, being all DRUNK GUY and stumbling through my sister's dinner party last night was not a laughing matter. Everything was nicely spread in typical sue fashion. We had an outside Hors Dourves, apple slices on toasty Italian bread w/ melty Bree cheese, served on sue's silver china with a tiered silver platter filled with green apples and white flowers. Tea lights and white table linens and plenty of wine out of crystal glasses. It was lovely.

Then the sit down dinner - also a smash! Apple and Cinnamon glazed chicken, apple and brown sugared acorn squash and apple augratin. The making of which was hysterical. Sue and I in her prison cell sized kitchen peeling apples and potatoes by the bucket full

"I feel like i'm in trouble in the army!" i said while sitting in the middle of the floor leaning over the shopping bag designated for peels while sue hovered over the stove hysterically crying. She was peeling and chopping onions - lots of them - the noises that were coming out of her sounded like she was either being tortured or having really crazy sex - which was funny. It wasn't until i left, to empty the garbage filled with all our peels (like pounds upon pounds b/c sue and I have no idea how to weigh produce properly) and came back into the kitchen that the shock of the onions hit me. We were teary all afternoon.

Regardless, the table looked amazing (and when i get the pictures DEVELOPED - yeah we are that ghetto that we had fi and jaimie bring a disposable camera with them), you will see what i'm talking about. Fi me Jaimie and Sue all settled into our first course (cold apple and walnut salad which was BEYOND GREAT - im obsessed with it)

[removed]

whatever - it was sucky but just when sue and I were discussing it the next evening over pints of cider and PJ's we heard the woman in the table next to us (how could you not she was so freaking loud) end her own story with "And she was smoking crack in my basement! How could i not know that?!"

Yeah so all in all the party i'd give it a 8 our of 10. Which in my sisters mind is like a failure of epic proportions - she's already started planning her PUMPKIN themed party. I better go locate a carving knife.

---------

matt in manhattan - missed connections

Fri, Sat, Sun

You: Picking up that Polo at trunk sale on 15th
Me: Stuck in queens watching the Jets loose big time

Yeah, matty J was in the apple and I managed to miss him 3 days in a row - all 3 days I was in the city too! blast!

----------

WTF: No Kate Arden?

As many of you may know - I am hugely and grossly addicted to "The L Show" as its called by Liv. I can't help but be excited for another season of poor plot development and shallow dialogue and little sex scenes - oh yes, Ilene (the executive producer) bring it on.
I love to watch it with Itzel ( i really miss those days of huddling with her and all the Lambda PC's in her living room going "OMG CHAIN IS SO HOT!"). Anyway, auto straddle aka Reise has the L Word season 5 Promotion recaped and i had this 2 say about it on ERIN'S AWESOME NEW BLOG (she wants more readers so i'm plugging it big time (to all 3 of you who read this)) :

http://www.sho.com/site/lword/home.do

go watch s.5 preview - I cried/came in my pants/punched a hole in the wall/smoked a peace pipe after i watched it

--------------------

last night on the mass pike

shawny b and lar vs. chicago marathon and Global Warming

If we calculated the buckets of sweat these two ladies poured out while running over the summer training for this marathon (yes even durring pride and pub crawls and nights of copious amounts of drinking/partying) - it would fill a kiddy pool. ----> ok that was a nasty analogy <----

Seriously though, these hookers were serious and dedicated and skinny minis and happy and fit and glowing and superstars! But the freaking attack of heat and humidity put a block in their plans to finish the race. No really, they HAD to stop - officials form the race escorted them off the path.

To top that off - i meant to send the GIFT I've had for them b4 they ran it(aka for shawn's b day back in sept (i'm incredibly bad a punctual/relevant birthday gifts) as if that's not apparent).

--------------------
2 lack luster interviews and a few dancing cupcakes
That was going to be the title of the post until i decided to make it a marathon long post (PUN ALERT) and ramble on about everything and include all sorts of multi media images and photoshop goodness.

Basically i had 2 pretty shitty interviews on friday but found refuge in confectioners heaven: The Cupcake cafe. A snip bit from la journal :

A dangerous place to wear white. But here I am clad from head to toe in my white interview suit seated at the table closest the door. A joyful place that gives you a sugar shock the moment you walk in. If its not the wee ones bounding around the many stacks of story books, surprisingly quite but by no means still, surprising you perhaps it is the three huge dancing cupcakes that will. They are favored colors of the shop: lavender pink and yellow. all poised like rockets legs up arms out, so sparkly and bling, it makes everyone smile.

To save myself from certain doom, I order a safe black tea. But that does’t stop a muffin from being tossed over the counter at me accidentally. Watching the workers mosey around putting children's books on display and the artists staff of cake makers hang out on a couch is relaxing. I am mesmerized by the cupcakes the most though - they have no facial features just amazing eyelashes where eyes normally belong. I am hypnotized by their back and forth motion of glitz and pizzaz. Blast - it's 4:50 - gotta bounce.

"Look at this- its like U.N. of knits!

2007-10-05T22:15:00.001-04:00

There all repesented here!"

That is a Stacy London quote & in 2 weeks I will be a guest with fi, sue, rach, & John. In her audience for her new show!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

It's Mullets like these that make me wish i had a camera phone

2007-10-01T15:59:00.000-04:00

Hello Chummos and Chums! It's been eons and light years since we last spoke, or rather, since I last typed meaningless babbles at you! It's really been flattering getting those 3 IMS from Kristin, Itzel, and Shawn :

where is your blog? I dont read it , but i like looking at the pictures!

--

in other news My sister may be on Fox5 for her car troubles - you can read more about this here.

--

oprah had a guy on TV who broke his penis. Rachel IMS me with :

ruptured penis!!!!!!!!!!
My new screen name!
go watch oprah

The rest of the episode was the funniest freaking show ever! They kept cutting away to oprah's face and she was like tearing up watching these men talk about their packages - and you knew she was thinking "This is why I sleep with gale"

the rest of the show rach and i just imed each other with all the updates "busted balls!" "rectal exams!"

-- THE WEEKEND IN PICTURES --
(blast i dont have a camera phone!)

Friday - i was watching this really ugly mullet on the platform for the train &...

I fell down the subway steps on friday!!

Yes, laugh it up! cause it was funny. Now, feel really badly about laughing cause it hurt like a mo.

It was like someone pushed me into prayer pose. I fell feet first then knees and i almost slammed my head into the little tiles too but i just made a really funny noise. i obvs have hepatitis and leprosy from whatever junk seeped into my veins from the cuts.mmmmm subway grime shot through my veins! isn't that so fantastic?

my parents also convinced me that i broke my foot so i spent most of fri night in the jc hospital playing charades with sue - i mean waiting 2 get x-rays and for them to tell me to buck up and get out - its just a big bruise.

---

Sat - to Weinersnitzel or not to Weinersnitzel?

we decided to not do octoberfest at the beer garden and instead drag Fiona with us to the JC irish festival which was of course amazing! We met this guy who was SO cute but he kept staring at all of our boobs - i thought he was going to get dizzy and pass out he kept on bouncing from one set to the other. we placed bets on his pecker - freckly pecker or plan ol pecker. freckly obvs won.

--

Sun - Jets game with Ty

which obvs became a pub crawl between me, fi ty and sue. it was great except now we are all extremely broke and remember the spotty details - for example Fi's text this mornin:

"Omg i just rmbrd u and ty motor boating me last night! Strtin 2 feel hung over"

--

8 things mama - or into the fold - or post #350!

2007-08-01T17:23:00.000-04:00

i can't really decide on a title at this moment...Courtesy of Riese all ye readers (perhaps 4 of you? maybe less) get to learn a few random things about ME! I feel like i've been invited into the fold by riese ( in the most non gang lingo kind of way)and am among chosen ones. I will try not to fuck it up by being painfully boring, cliche ridden, and/or downtrodden. To accomplish this goal please allow for some things called RULES!

Les Rules:

1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.

-------

NUMERO UNO : Um...no...not like riverdance, at all...

This is my ice breaker - my go to factola about me - it sets me apart from the crowd and pre-1996 it was an easy breezy conversation to have. After the onset of feet o flames and the all around shit show known as Michael Flatley, however, this fact of mine is quite a chore to explain.

I am an irish dancer. (please take note of the accompanying pics - don't lie you want the hair!) I have been since the wee age of 3 - and I traveled all over (competed in Ireland and every city in the US -- performed on carneige hall ( and i was the only person freaking out back stage going -- "JUDY GARLAND PERFORMED HERE!" --) and radio city and nj pac - and every nursing home/ill ward of local hospitals etc etc). I now teach irish dance with my sister to a gaggle of cuties. I should be studying to become certified and have these dancers compete too..but who needs the drama. ANYWAY- irish dancing is a traditional folkish kind of dance that has been around for centuries. It is not the shit show known as michael flatley. I never competed in a nightie - instead I had 20 lbs of velvet on that was hand embroidered by some biddy in ireland. I did rock the rhinestones (that's my jersey heritage though). I love to dance, especially with my sister, because we have a blast and you can ask anyone who has tried it. once it gets into your system its hard to let it go. Yet i still get called "riverdance" or "lord of the dance" all the time. and i want to punch those people. or kick them in my hard shoes.

NUMBER 2 : MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

I love to fake laugh. Ok not like at people when they aren't being funny b/c that just encourages bad jokes and long winded stories. It's a game I love to play. I make everyone play it eventually (usually at the point when we've been awake for 20+ hrs together, are on a long hot drive across canada, bored and underage, or in a seriously silly mood). Here's how to play - Fake Laugh as hard as you can. Trust me - it gets me going - just thinking about it. Fake laughing really hard (with all your effort to be as INANE as possible) makes me bust out into the most hysterical real laughter. I get the hiccups about 90% of the time from really laughing so hard.

don't knock it until you tried it people.

Tois : Path train etiquette

do not fart on the path train. I understand to some people the path train feels like a careening ccavern of death - hair pin turns, squealing wheels, and an occasional horn for no reason. But that is no excuse to lay one people. I swear to you this happens more often than you think .For example yesterday - while riding home with about 700 of my closest traveling buddies i was forced to stand for the duration of my ride. No biggie - i didn't want to wrinkle my skirt anyway. Well on top of all the other smells which every commuter can put up with - body odor, design imposter perfume, various lunch spices - some jack ass decided that the moment the 9th street door closed would be prime opportunity to lay a big one.

It smelled horrifying. I promise you a baby started to cry. What makes anyone think a train is the proper disposal receptacle for foul farts? i covered my nose overtly, i wanted it known how pissed i was, it was my brand new suit for crying out loud! all the rats we passed from ny to jerzy lifted there noses hoping to catch a piece of whatever was rotting in the train. no luck though - those doors dont open again until pavonia/newport (about 20 mins of the skill testing breathing through mouth tricks).

just don't do it people - if you have to let one rip do it on the platform or better yet wait until the privacy of your own stink hole (your house).

Only 4 : once bitten twice shy

SJP's new clothing line (BITTEN) is actually good. i bought 2 t shirts- one with a design like the pretty boyz logo - and searsucker pantaloons for $24 - seriously!

5 Alive : it's wrong ... in a good way

Anne and Frank (my mutti and vatti) recently installed a pool in our backyard. I can remember my mother every summer going to the pool store to buy one. It was very exciting - hello Pool Parties with high school boys! But for one reason or another she always chickened out. We never got one. Until of course - i moved out! My parents took their first official swim today and i bet my mother looked like she was swimming in liquid gold. She sent me and the siblings pictures from her phone - i was like "yeah mom i was there YESTERDAY - i kno what the pool looks like" But for some reason after swimming in it - she thinks it looks different - better.

Regardless, i can't believe i am admitting this - let's hope and pray she never finds this (dmbMEG style) - when my parents go to mexico - I will be having a pool party of 2 (3 if i'm feeling spry). Yes that's right - i will be naked and doing something wrong in the pool with others...wrong in a very very good way.

I'm bringing Six-y Back : She's like the queen of DIY

I am not a hipster. I wish i was. I'm too sub-hetto (that's a ghetto suburbanite). When I met amy sedaris i looked like this. I'm still doing penance for committing blasphemy in front of the queen of diy and hipsters of lower manhattan and that one chick from germany with the mustache.

Numba Seven : Stacey London, will you marry me?

I promise you can dress me forever. No really, will you stacey? I hear you live in brooklyn with your cat. isn't that code for you are a single lesbian oriented bisexual (like me)? or is that code for "bridget, shut the hell up and never wear cuffed pants again."

when my sister told me she met stacey and cliton and had a mini - tell me what not to wear session - i think i had a heart attack. but not a big enough one to get that signature oh so sexy gray streak. blast!

FINALLLLLLYYYYY 8 : it's the sexiest number in town

8 is my favorite number. fav beyond all fav's. It's robust, poignant, and can mean infinity if you get her on her back. When i was in my peak competition days (o sooo many moons ago) i wore the number 88 to regional competition and I placed 8 out of 300 and some chicks :) put that in your pipe numbers 0-7 and 9!!

-----------------

shit now 8 people to tag...umm do i KNOW 8 people? I don't think so (high school flashbacks)...

After Ellen.com -- we need to chat

2007-07-24T21:48:00.000-04:00

are you aware of the definition of review?

according to merriam-webster a review is "a critical evaluation (as of a book or play)." to evaluate you "determine the significance, worth, or condition of usually by careful appraisal and study."

therefore when you are giving a review of a movie or television show please do not give me a synopsis (ie. please to do not tell the ending of this move). you spoil it. if i wanted a recap - i would GO to your recap sections (except for the L word - i have reise and kelka for that).

Fuckin LouAnn Hu?

2007-07-24T16:13:00.000-04:00

that's my new phrase. It can be used interchangeably -- kinda like wtf or really? papi really? Fuckin LouAnn!

anyone who has not seen GirlTrash should go watch it! Its web-isodes (no more than 3 mins a pop)and you can find them here.

Still don't believe me that it's great? How about a dose of Rose Rollins (Tasha ala L word) or a heaping spoon full of Margaret Cho? And for all those Spashley Fans (south of nowhere ladies) allow me to introduce Spaz²

He picks bigger girls 'cause like, bigger girl = bigger woo-who!

2007-07-23T23:05:00.000-04:00

This is what my sister and I pontificate about while rocking on our beach house porch chairs [cue patronizing "awwwwwww poor you! at your beach house!"] - anyway we were talking about [name redacted] and his choice of ladies. It seemed like he always crushed on twiggy blondes, but brought home ladies who could borrow my jeans- if they weren't so bitchy and/or flakey.

So after a festival of daytime drinking (aka a normal saturday in manasquan) sue came up with the theory that men must think bigger girls = wider lady bits. that's like saying heavier beefy guys have elephant shlongs. Really? Who believes this? It's got to be the most cracked out theory ever - clearly made up by the same man who said horizontal stripes make you look thiner or that roids are good for your skin.

listen fellas - if you want more room in the vaginal canals of your hookers - i suggest dating, well, hookers. Women who get around, don't do kegel exercises, maybe have a child or five - they tend to have looser morals and more square footage in their pelvic floors. I also hear that they're way better at giving road head.

Mary, Mary, What Are You Wearing?

2007-07-19T14:27:00.000-04:00

[in the spirit of dmbMEG im writing this letter style. when i find pictures from last nights show i will post those 2.]

Dear Mary Murphy,

I’d like to take some time to discuss with you the role that accessories play in one’s outfit. I will also be addressing topics like proportion, patterns, and leg warmers on your arms. By definition an accessory “…is an item apart from the garment itself, which complements the whole outfit. Using accessories can add detail to an outfit when the garment's style is plain, or when the fabric from which the garment is has no interesting visual effects.” Perhaps you felt that starched white earrings the size of coffee mugs with ornate carvings would compliment the two yellow gold rings on your pointer and pinky fingers. Or better still you thought the bracelet/house arrest transmitter looked good with the gold rings and earrings. Regardless, in this case Mary, your top was not plain, and it had very interesting, all be it disturbing, visual effects – more on your top later.

For tonight’s results show I would advise using the tried and true CoCo Channel method of accessories. “Always take off one accessory before leaving your house.” Let’s apply this strategy a little more liberally; in your case Mary, I would advise removing 2-3 accessories.

That being said – let’s talk about proportions. As a dancer you have very nicely defined shoulders and a narrow waste. However, your job requires you to be filmed from the waist up. Outfits such as halter dresses overly accentuate your shoulders and should be avoided. For example, the shirt you wore last evening was of the halter nature. Adding legwarmer like sleeves that only go to the middle of your bicep, make you look like a line backer.

For my final topic, patterns, I would also like to point out that again, you are not a large woman. You have a decent figure for a woman of your age. Splattering large and strong patterns across your chest is a fashion DON’T! Animal prints and patterns in particular (like the giraffe you wore last night) should remain in close proximity to your body type, not your bust size (ie. “Small woman = small pattern” not “Boob Job = giant pattern”). Animal prints should also remain in their natural colors – don’t wear bright red zebra unless you are going to a themed party called “the jungle in day-glo.”

Sincerely,
Bridget Sweetin

ps. Leg warmers on your arms are a poor excuse to cover up track marks. Advise your makeup artist or go to rehab.

if you ask me

2007-07-18T20:05:00.001-04:00

the new degree (DO4theBO) smells like Perm Chemicals

every time i move my arms remotely upwards i get wafts of my childhood - spent next to old blue hairs hoping to get my pin straight hair to kink so i could have GREAT dancing curls. my scalp starts to cringe automatically. it may be little black dress approved. but LBD's don't have noses.

My Pet(s) ~ in all forms

2007-07-11T19:54:00.000-04:00

me itzel and weez in DC circa June 28 2007
(more pics on flika (how me ma says it)) <-- a double chinned parenthesis

----------------

It's been a strange but delightful 2 days back in the burbs - particularly in the realm of internet interactions - interneteractions if you will.

First there is the always pleasant IMs from my fav mexican :

[name removed]: omg
[name removed]: seriously
[name removed]: i hate my job

then my much missed conversation openers with Doodles :

[doodles]: by the by
i'm convinced that paula abdul
has down syndrome

very few people can warm my heart while making me pee my pants esp when it involves the disabled. doodles is one of them. after I took a moment to relieve myself we discussed more important things going on in the world.

[doodles]: "he's a great looking shoe that's no in your size" ~ random quote from a lifetime preview show

[me]: omg army wives
is my new fav lesbian comedy

[doodles]: is it a lesbian show?

[me]: its on lifetime - so clearly - the licking of the vag
[me]: is implied

[doodles]: with the dicks away the chicks will play;-)

-------------------------

then there was the mysterious reappearance of fellow blogger dmbmeg! Her blog "you look really great. you look really sexy." suddenly disappeared on me and i just kind of, well, gave up hope. figured that like most really great things, like summer vacation, karen walker, and troll book clubs - this too would be but a fun dip flavored memory.

turns out - i was as wrong wrong wrong!

She's been blogging all this time - on a NEW satellite site :) (see links) - I spent a good hour this afternoon catching up on all the posts I missed. and that's not even the best part of the story.

I actually had a real life conversation with this fellow bloggette :)

by real life i mean, IM conversations (or more specifically gchat).

[me]: i am that girl -
yet if i saw u in public
i'd totally wave and be like
word

[meg]: haha

[me]: in a hoodie
b/c obvs saying
"word"
with no follow up
or anything requires a hoodie

[meg]: word

snippets included righteously discussions of blog crushes - that interesting little phenomenon of liking people for how they write ( as opposed to my often favored method of double blind surveys & quiz shows-- "contestant number 1, if we were to go to your parents house for dinner, what would you suggest i bring?" -- ).

I clearly do not read enough blogs because Meg kept me in stitches the entire conversation - not only about whom she would do but what she would do to them! And the list of them - i got some great new links out of it at least - but i did feel a little inadequate saying - "Umm Riese and her pals are all around a1funky boss" - actually i said this "me: Reise - and hav and her whole crew is just funnier than funny and i think they'd be a hit show reality show" - which is kind of the same thing.

as for me, now i'm on the hunt - for a new kind of pet. the kind that makes your eyes zing about the internet hoping to find them on facebook or google or myspace or what have you. I'm on the hunt for my blog-crush.

My Blog God(dess) if you will.

Smile If You're Gay(ish)(friendly)(and sexy)

2007-06-21T23:07:00.000-04:00

HAPPY PRIDE 2007!

florida pride circa 2005

Chi-Pride with bells on. rainbow ones. with cindi lauper inspired hair. ya'll ready? ya'll not ready :)

shawny b and me doin pride chi-town style.

HOLLA!!

Update: I'm having a Blast!

2007-06-11T02:22:00.000-04:00

Since i've moved down the shore for the summer my blogging has moved too

please visit

Schaffer Oil 2007

it's where i'll be living and blogging and getting a kick ass tan this summer!

a little bit of heaven fell to earth one day, and when the angel's found it - they called it Ireland

2007-05-31T19:55:00.000-04:00

Already planning my next trip back to my island. It's only been 6 months since i was there, but i've got a mean craving.

The Neon Sign Threw Me, but then again she does wear chino's

2007-05-30T23:48:00.000-04:00

[post about my recent rochester trip / particularly the experience of going to people's homes that i had yet to visit]

[final paragraph detailing the glories of my beach house / particularly the footed tub in which i spend far too much time]

due to the onset of bronchitis, lack of sleep for a good 4 days, and the inability to construct a sentence ending in anything other than a preposition this post will have to wait until tomorrow or sometime after. (see what i mean about the preps? they're everywhere)

"We have snowflake, and blueberry gingerbread man, and king"

2007-05-24T16:52:00.000-04:00

I just hung out with my favorite people. Weez, Gabey Baby, Connor and Adian.

It began with a simple "Wanna grab lunch?" and ended in a purse that needs stitching, belched abc's from the burping champs, and one ENDLESS game of candy land (even with Gabey baby cheating). Some places need time to marinate - Rochester is def one of them. it's not until the memories collide with a real taste of geniune lovley people that I can finally taste the sweetness - potent like molases - of this town.

"I have candy land inside wanna play!" Gabey Baby, before I've had a chance to even get out of my car.

"Candy Land! Oh you're going down. I hope you like to loose - cause i'm gonna win!" me

"No you're not!"

"Am to!"
"Na ahhh"
"I'm taking you for all your money mister"
"He dosen''t have any" Weez
"I'm gonna tickle you to death!" me

giggles giggles giggles

"Two Lello - one , two! AHH! You loose a turn in the liquorish! hahaha!" Gabe kicking my ass.

giggles giggles giggles and a few "OO! baby!"s in there too.

The other two boyz arrive and throw themselves all limbs in the air to the couch and chair. Hair disheveled, faces worn, a hard day at the office of PS 585. It's fleeting, the tag team seizes an opportunity - "Mom can we have soda?!" both of them up like bullets at attention

"does your dad let you have some?"

Adians already padding into the kitchen to get some with a quick "Yeah!" his face turned away while poor conor is staring into Weez's eyes - a dead duck - he pauses a beat too long before weakly saying "yes." it's too late adian has soda's in hand.

"Do you know the muffin man?" Me
"Do you know the muffin man?" Gabey Baby
"He lives on drury lane" Weez
"He's married, he's a king" Gabey Baby, i guess he really does know him.
"is he married to princess scone?"me
"yes. Princess...scone." He's not sure he likes the name but plays along.

then the belching begins and it's gross and great. A personal show and tell from Conor of the marine life (turles we bought in china town and two crabs) and of course - copious amounts of candy land.

It is exactly like I said to weez at lunch - I will miss this! Popping in on a weekend to play the kickboxing video game with the boyz or picking gabey up from margaret's house still curled in a nap - i will miss the people they are at this age. But even if life isn't one endless game of candy land i've already won something.

Rochester or BUST

2007-05-21T23:42:00.000-04:00

in my case - Rochester with BUST!

I am ready (well if by ready you mean, i have a pile of clothes to wash and a car to wash, and bags to pack - but i know EXACTLY what outfits/items I will washing and packing) and EXCITED! I get to see all my loves again!
We get to drink like crazy people again - i'm almost positive this week last year I was getting kicked out of Senior Night for being just too beautiful and way way too skilled at the cowbell to be apart of the LAME crowd.

or if you were RIT in that scenario - I was asked kindly to leave because of my public drunkenness and embarrassing my friends by singing and dancing to the band with a cowbell.

In my own defense - it was the BAND that gave me said device of eternal ridicule.

--

So i'm leaving either weds or thus and staying with Doodles! I can't wait to see him! The last rochy trip i totally didn't get ANY quality time with him - we were drunk and said omg HI! and he was still at RIT...in fact everyone was still! What LOONS!
Now we are grown, living in the real world with real jobs and lives - er - well they are at least!

Reunited and It Feels So good! (that's what I'm singing in my head)

thanks itzel for the layout - i'm coppin it :)

AIDS Walk 2007

2007-05-11T15:34:00.000-04:00

(for larger pic please visit http://bridget.sweetin.net/AIDS/StrongUnit.html)

Dear Friends,

Let me introduce one of the most strong, generous and caring women I know and whom I proudly call my best friend,Erin Sotolongo.

Erin lost her mother to AIDS and has dedicated her time and energy raising money and awareness. I walk with her to show support, I walk with her to show my dedication and walk with her in hope of one day finding a cure.

This is a very important issue and we have set an ambitious fundraising goal of $1,500. Time is of the essence because our team will be walking on May 20, 2007. Please help support me, Erin and others like us in our efforts to raise money by giving what you can.

Sincerely,
Strong as a Unit

Strong As A Unit Donations
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All of our lives depend on it!

i dreamt of a tango

2007-05-07T23:54:00.000-04:00

it explains away the pain

dancing in my sleep

----

WOOOOOOOORKKKKKKK tmrw to make myself feel whole, worthy, alive, accomplished, and validated.

Over Confidence. Otherwise know as Back Attack

2007-05-04T11:34:00.000-04:00

My sister and I have been inspired by our mother (who has already lost 30 lbs) to join Weight watchers and really turn our lives around. I also have to start training in July for my dance certificates and that means like MAJOR training more (like social life ever). Anyway, becuase of this we've been working out on the regs with mother and really melting away the pounds and feeling good.

So weds I was rocking out so well i thought - up your game B - and I decided to lift 15lbs instead of 5. It didn't feel entirely terrible - that good burn. Then I finished off the work out with a bit of pilates/yoga stretch video.

I'm on my stomach arms reaching out and legs reaching out - "This really attacks the lower back" ... He's telling me - "and 5, 4, 3, 2," snap. I feel like someone just put the paddles to my lower back and yelled "CLEAR" before zapping me full of electricity. I decide to sit out the rest of that exercise - but go full force on the deep pleia. Then i get to the shower start to strip down and i swear to you i see stars.

Fastforward (after the shower that i hobbled through) my mother picks me up and we drive off into the sunset - er - the doctors office.

"You've got to go slow bridget! You've just started to get back into the game. Imagine it like this - if you were training right now for the Oreuctas would start out doing your set piece all the way through?"

"no"

"why"

"because I'd die or hurt something"

"exactly!"

- the doctors tells me I'm lucky b/c its not anything with my spine per say, just a really angry disk but it didn't like get up and leave the spinal column or decide to blow itself up. It's just inflamed and the muscles around it are pissed off too. Aka - 5 whole days of bed rest (I'm cheating right now sitting at my desk typing :/ ) and plenty of water, and a few milligrams of Valium.

"when can i lift again?"
"I like your attitude, but I'd say give it a week to 10 days."
"what about cardio?"
"Ok bridget, I'm going to tell your mother to keep an eye on you. Just stay on your weight watchers, be very diligent, and 7-10 days won't mean anything. You'll be great"

now i'm bright red cause my mother obvs told him I'm going to the WW with her.

"And tell your sister the same thing. I dont want her to be in here next with a blown out knee from running all over jersey city."

"No she'd come in with a bust wrist first, from falling all over jersey city."

ok back to sleeping in the magic couch (can't lay flat) downstairs with my doggie.

the good earth...

2007-04-30T22:17:00.000-04:00

i forget where exactly i'm stealing that phrase from but alas...

I went running along the banks of JC with my sister tonight. It was awesome. We ran in Liberty State Park and along the ghetto bridge behind the actual waterfront which makes us way more rugged and gives us major street cred. We are certainly less yuppie than the people who run along the waterfront with their sunglasses and matching outfits. Sue and I strutted off around 6:40pm at the perfect light/wind ratio.

"Ready parade marshall?" she asked me closing her gate. she was refering to my shirt which was from a 4th of july parade from 1997.

"Ready bud light?" I responded, refering to her budwiser shirt we got as a free gift from some st. patrick's day we performed at way back.

We took off down jersey until we hit the gravely bits where the sidewalk ended watching for broken glass and a few dilapidated buildings. The skinny bridge gave us a prime view of the blazing sun and silhouetted ducks on our right and to our left: the marina full of fishing boats and the Manhattan skyline.

Once we hit liberty state park we split up to really get into the workout. I had great tunes in my head and one hell of a view. running towards Manhattan the wind keeping my hair blowing and the sweat from pooling around me, my shadow dancing out in front me. It was all too poetic - I'm literally chasing myself into the city hoping that I'll never run out of stamina for the city, hoping that my feet can keep touching ground, that I wont give up and turn back, and that no matter what i'll always have a good song in my head.

the way back was just as good - we walked the last bit catching up and talking about all sorts deep sisterly things - I think i had some real spiritual growth. And we had amazing seared tuna with mango salsa and sesame ginger salads. It was FANTASTIC! No really - i could eat one every day - yeah that salad, sushi from flo po or Sushi lounge ONLY, and blue point oysters. Man if that wasn't a)so expensive or b)so dangerous (mercury poisoning) I would so eat that for the rest of my life.

Talking to adam online he seemed pleased at my turn towards health :)

"...and look at you... runnin' and stuff" ~Adam

And I tried to explain that not only has this been a steady thing of mine for about 4 weeks - activity (esp if i want to get my dancing certs i have to get back into training mode) but also that being in this place gets to you. You can spend your whole day riding subways and only seeing the trees stuck in concrete on your block. Not see anything real. You need the shock of nature, the real things in life, to keep you sane.

Even if the best part of the run was staring at my metropolis. I'm sure i stepped in some geese crap in that park to get the naturey bit...

Work Appropriate? Um No

2007-04-27T22:59:00.000-04:00

Funny as shit? Um YESSS!!

http://youcantmakeitup.blogspot.com/2007/04/vagina-power-ten-minute-play-by-alexis.html

Please please please read this posting and watch the youtube vids on Alexyss Tylor and her access cable show.

I'm telling you this is the kind of movie that i will quote so you better know what i'm talking about!!

(also for MAJOR laughs please view these :
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ssOiYx0_e7c
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Awyom_xWe30 (remix)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_aUzZTRa1Ck (remix)

ROTF LMAO - No 4Rlz

2007-04-27T21:07:00.000-04:00

This is one of the best articles about facebook - um ever. no really - evvver!

http://www.ivygateblog.com/blog/2007/04/8th_graders_v_9th_graders.html

Giggling Baby

2007-04-25T12:22:00.001-04:00

after a few glasses of CHEAPO wine me and itzel were rolling on the floor watching this video!

Will Ferrell's landlord problems

2007-04-25T12:18:00.001-04:00

http://sjl.funnyordie.com/v1/view_video.php?viewkey=3efbc24c7d2583be6925

can't see it? click here

Jack Johnson on Playback will bring spring ... maybe

2007-04-18T13:06:00.000-04:00

That is my remedy to these blusey rainy floody dark days. Plenty o jack on the radio! The songs just will your arms to graze the air outside your car window as you squint to see down the turnpike towards the shore. It just wills the wearing of shorts, sandals, and demands many/pedy's. the words, the bongos, the guitar - it all smells like barbecue chicken fresh corn on the cob and bad-mitten nets.

so therefore I say that everyone should listen to at minimum 4 JJ songs per day to will the coming spring/summer much faster!

"Please please please dont pass me please please please dont pass me buy!"

and to think

2007-04-17T00:31:00.000-04:00

I was pissed at my parents over a few busted wine bottles...

all my prayers to the Virginia Tech community.

so i may smell like curry

2007-04-16T13:15:00.000-04:00

but what a great dinner! Last night while the rain came down in buckets upon buckets I ventured out to Madison (2 doors down from Uncle Joe and Aunt Marie) to have dinner with a house full of brits! Erin and David invited me and it was so much fun. Sure their house looks like one of the colony/river knoll apartments from college - minus the permanent beer pong table and posters of naked girls. It was sparce but homey. About 14 of us snuggled along the couch and folding chairs to enjoy a hearty meal of curry and rice with garlic bread, nan bread (which i continued to call batsuamie-which is a rice incidentally), and loads of wine/beer.

Everyone was lovely - their accents from all over england - their personalities just as scattered. We (me and erin) forced them all to watch and enjoy the soprano's at 9pm promtly which they all talked though making fun of the jerzy accents. It was a real trip.

Somehow bringing up the family - and family pets - it turns out that these brits think turtles are toi-toises (tortoises) and aluminum is AL-you-Min-E-Um.

i said "you had pet mice - like willingly?" every brit thought i said - "you had mice - named will and leigh?"
It was too funny!
"Do you always wear collogne?"
"Yes i always work alone."

the food was great, the wine was delish, and everyone was really in good spirits. i'm not sure if its b/c they didn't have to work due to the rain (all soccer coaches) or b/c the climate is more like england, damp and rainy but they were all in rare forum last night!

it turned out to be a sunday funday after all!

For you I was a flame

2007-04-15T16:53:00.000-04:00

love is a loosing game!
(amy winehouse - plz read here to confirm that it was I who discovered her and not Damien!)

rain is so romantic.

--

weekend plans were so great it makes my heart sing! Lagster + Jess time will always equal fun - like have martini shoot out your nose fun - laughed really hard at ourselves like always! of course our wait staff sucked. and jess broke a glass with her super human strength (or icey martini in a newly washed hot glass). But it was really nice to see them and to whoop it up - even if it was just mo town.

had an awesome time at the wine tasting last night with the sweetin/facchino/delsordi/parici clans. seriously too funny! Al gave us the scoop on how off base soprano's is while jaqulyn me and sue couldn't stop laughing at our drunken - ness after the first of 5 rounds (3 glasses each round)

"Why does the hearing go first?" j 'whispers' to me and the whole place during the presentation.

"they are only wine #1? oh screw - 3's the best - try 3" janice

"this smells like baby formula to me" anthony

"i like number 2" sue and j
"i like 3 goes down really smooth" me
"3 smells like musty basement" sue
"how can you like 3 bridget - our whole table hates it" j

"so we all kinda liked this one?" me
"oh yeah" everyone at the table nodding and mumming as they drink
"so we could order it when we go out to sushi or something and we'd all be happy?" me
"well the whole time i'd be wishing you brought 2" j

--

so much fun! i am inviting the lagster, jess, and a whole slew of friends to the next one b/c it can only get better! we were in the back row and total deliquints. but it was fun and we found some great new wines. Me and J are pushing for a sparkling wine tasting next but I think my father and those lushes want a whiskey tasting first - how deplorable?!

I love shadow but...

2007-04-13T15:04:00.000-04:00

she's my parents dog! Now i know that when I move out and have like a life of my own I will be purchasing/adopting/rescuing A shiba inu puppy.

really, papi? really? really, itzel? really?

2007-04-11T16:10:00.000-04:00

I think you can understand why we can no longer be friends.

"I like the pillows that have been in my house for eons"

2007-04-09T11:10:00.000-04:00

I say to Erin, Kelly, and Amy as we saunter or rather TAKE OVER the pillow isle in Target on Saturday.

"Ew, the ones that everyone in your family has one time or another puked on?" Kelly mumbles with her face smushed against the Firm pillow in her cart.

"ewwwww!" erin says while reaching for a Chillmax kind.

"Yeah those -"

"OMG My brother invented these pillows!!" Erin yells to us but really the way we are standing, together conversating but not really looking at each other, it appears she's yelling at the Chillmax.

"He said that he would invent a pillow that kept you cool and call it a [clever name hidden in case he does intend to sell this idea b/c it's like really good]"

"Omg that's AWESOME!" Amy and Kelly

"One that whisks the sweat away!" Me

"You mean wick not whisks right Bridgie?" kelly while placing another 4.99 Extra firm in her basket.

"But wait! Kelly look this one can change shapes!" Amy says at the end of the row now strangling a Shapeable pillow. We are all laughing hysterically now b/c of course someone is trying to get by amy in the row and she's twisting and contorting herself around the pillow like the crocodile hunter.
she drops it suddely and reaches for another

"This one! Feeeeel it! It's velour plush! You have to get it"
by now we are all on the hunt for another item which kelly can't seem to name and neither erin nor I can help her out...
"What do you mean?!"

"YOu know you put it on over the pillow but below the pillow case - what is that called"kelly

"Feel it! just rub right here! It's velour plush! You have to get it" amy

"Does it zipper up the side?" me

"No really erin put your hand on it - it's so soft! It's like high class for your face it's velour plush! you have to get it" amy

"yeah yeah with the zipper! what is that called?" kelly

"It's a pillow cover - now would you please just feel this!? It's vel-" amy

"Velour plush" erin me and kelly

"amy - how much is it?" kelly

"i dunno, 17.99 or something. but it's a deal b/c its velour plush! You have to get it"amy

Kelly dosent even say very much just looks at her - then amy throws the pillow on the tippy top of some other stack of things and proceeds the hunt for the pillow cover.

"Dont you love amy's hair today?" Kelly

Amy is now posed priming her pony tail that looks like she's been though a blender - it's a very messy rendition of little kid who won't let her mom brush her hair for days look.

"It looked better pre-beating!" amy

"oh yeah i woke her up this morning by jumping on top of her and beating her up with her pillows." kelly

"here they are - pillow covers!" Erin

We all stare at the rack and pick a differnt one - mine makes noises when you touch it so that's out. Kelly's seems like a safe bet - "poly/cotton blend" - but erin insits she should open it. Amy has found the most expensive cover and is making us all rub it.

"It's Prima Cotton - not as good as the velour pillow but still very nice - here feel it."

After calculating the costs of buying really nice pillow covers and crappy pillows - Kelly swallows hard and decides that the velour pillow is more cost effective. Amy dances all the way back to the pillow section. By the time we make it to the row the disco has stopped.

"Omg! there's only this one and king sizes left. Buy one of each." And now we all laugh because the whole reason for this trip into the science of slumber has to do with kelly's irrational compulsion for exact matching pillows.

On the check out line Erin buys Chocolate gum which all of us make fun of but try willingly. It is so bad we cry with laughter! especially when i can't stop saying "I just want to swallow it - i like have no gag reflex to stop it!" in the parking lot to anyone passing by. Amy is laughing so hard she's stumbling like a drunk and erin is still trying to blow a brown bubble. we all spit them out (looking like we ate rabbit turds) and say our goodbyes before retreating to our cars.

i miss George's Northern Orchard times!

Just when I think i miss Rochy

2007-04-04T15:36:00.000-04:00

i see the forecast!

takes the name constuction paper to a whole new level

2007-04-02T21:44:00.000-04:00

check her out

www.jenstark.com

VIP 40/40 club

2007-04-01T01:50:00.000-04:00

And the bottle service is serving me well!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

Dear All Single People I've Met tonight (and most nights)

2007-03-30T22:21:00.000-04:00

You are not a Barbie - what you do for a living doesn't define you.

and it doesn't interest me.

engage me with jokes, or discussing cultural impact of tv, music, and movies. or talk about the person next to you.

Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

iP-art

2007-03-29T11:23:00.000-04:00

Art and the iPod

check the artist out

It's been along time...

2007-03-26T23:03:00.000-04:00

since the phone ringing after 9 pm gave me a lump in my throat. 5 ish years really.

My Grandmother Sweetin is in the hospital and it's been just over the halfdecade mark that I did this routine. In fact i'm not doing it this time around - I'm not the one doing the shifts at the hospital to make sure she gets her 8pm breathing treatment - i'm not the one taking her to the bathroom to give her a shower, I'm not the one shopping for robes and nightgowns that have a front closure, i'm not scheduling the next monhts of my life around the new nursing schedule, i'm not the one picking out what step-down facility she'll go to ---

my sister my father and my mother are though.

It's all too surreal - too close to the bone to go through this again. I can not live that life anymore. I can't watch my parents live that life anymore. We did it one time (one time too many) but how can we say no if she asks? I don't know which is more frightening to me - that she'll ask or what I'll answer...

the phone calls, though, will always scare me.

WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFF Season Finale of L word

2007-03-25T22:11:00.000-04:00

and my cable box just blew up

typico man f*ing typico

HA!

2007-03-23T19:52:00.001-04:00

Rick, Rick! Can I have a ship of your shoda for shushtenance, Rick?

--

also anyone remember the funniest cutest bff from Bed of Roses? I do and she's on the HORRID new show Wedding Bells for a few episodes.

7 Days & a Whole Lot More Let Downs

2007-03-23T17:30:00.000-04:00

The L word on sunday was soo bad I didn't get any text messages or gmail's from Itzel...

It was oddly weird to see those weapons of mass distruction (refer to older post b/c it's not Iraq - it's my rack!) on Kit displayed on TV - cause really that's exacto what I look like when someone's getting busy on me - er - well i'm enjoying a whole lot more but you get me. My boobs are really THAT nutso. As i'm sure all of my lovley friends can attest to.

In other news - I'm back on the freelance market after a breif skimp down employment lane. All of you who I have spoken to understand exacto what this is about. Cause like it's a hell of a lot easier to say regards to an employer than say...my morals? right right.

Walking to the path staion and lookin like a HOOOOOOOD RAT -- I ran into Nicoley Woley!! Who i haven't seen in like 2 years!

BAND-AID REUNION!!! She was going to work - like a good little girl - talkin gon the phone to some prego friend of hers when i was like a vision of Abbey Road - mid step on the cross walk frozen - "NICOLLEEE??!?!" It was like seriously one of the greatest moments of my life - I'm aactually old enough to run into someone from my past. I cried a bit from fits of laughs. I miss my Band-aid girls :(

Her ring is a spectacle of light and it was rainy out today! She's of course having the parisian nuptuals during august - if i had a real job i could maybe afford togo - haha look at me already inviting myself over seas !! Annnyway, it was sooo great to see her. It would be like running into Nora, or Orla, or Kristin, or Itzel just right there no warning on the street. Crazy man - crazy.

We of course have plans to laugh about our follies and make many more this weekend.

Life size portrait of Doodles? Don't mind if i do!

2007-03-15T02:26:00.000-04:00

so it's a halftone (aka the WRONG way to resize) but it's easy free and looks really sweet once it's up!

http://www.blockposters.com

I'm not gonna write you no love song!

2007-03-15T01:57:00.000-04:00

(Sara Bareilles lyric)

But i will write poems about sex, std's, and those subjects generaly considered taboo. I love louderARTSproject! (check em out)

It was a great workshop - met some pretty cool people - and i'm going back next sunday to share my works. Now if it was so scandelous (and if google didn't for somereason already put my blog of it's WATCH LIST) than i would post them. But trust me they sound better in person and I get really red faced when i write them down...haha!

But i can't wait to hear everyone else's. I hope louderARTS has more more more!

Also - happy st. patty's month to everyone -- if i've been out of touch it's because i've been to 5 parades so far (yeah and there have only been 4 days of partying tech so you can imagine) and this weekend is our annual show!! YAY!!! my kids are so pumped! I can't wait to see them rock it out!

louderArtsproject

2007-03-10T18:30:00.000-05:00

"Let all the world see
it ain't just burning in Mississippi
hell, it's hot whereever you are!
From the rooftops to the cell blocks
step on up to auction block
bend over - touch your toes
so show your teeth,
lift her titties - examine his balls.
it damn near sounds like a hip hop song.
but it's slavery at it's peak"

~ Sunni Patterson

Flash » Drum Machine

2007-03-08T23:24:00.000-05:00

Flash » Drum Machine

fuckin sweeeeeeeet

RIsTep should check this out!!!

My Vote: lakisha jones

2007-03-08T20:14:00.001-05:00

she's my numba one pic

My number 2 lady of idol

and number 3

Rolling on the floor Laughing my Ass off

2007-03-06T22:24:00.000-05:00

Margaret Cho may just be the funniest person ever! LOVE Her standup! OMG!

"They dont read the bible, because if they did, they would see that it says in Matthew chapter 23:25, it says : Shut the fuck up!..that's the king james version."

"You know who needs to read the bible, i think, mel gibson. i knew there was something wrong with him when i saw that movie, the passion of the chris, i was like 'Ohh Jesus, say your Safe word! Yelllooww! Yellloww! Reddd!"

"the nation of vietnam is having a long love affair with the fingernail..."

-- check her our on youtube

Oprah and the Power lesbians!

2007-03-06T17:16:00.000-05:00

Er ... I mean Oprah and the Closeted Married Lesbians - It seems O is taking a Tayra like approach to the Rumors that she is in LURVE with her long time pal-oroo Gale. She's taking the issue breasts out!

Well maybe not...it seems she's picked up the Mark Crusade (don't know what I'm talking about? Mark from L word Season 2 check THIS out) to educate marrieds young and old who are enjoing the chilly barren wilderness known as the CLOSET!

Maybe for these women, with hubbies and kiddies, it seems too daunting. the only lesbians they hear mentioned are on Will and Grace episodes they watch in secret. But now that Oprah is in bed with the lady lovers - well - I'm sure we'll see hundreds more bust outta the closet wearing squends and stilletos belting a barbara tune (er maybe that's a different show)...

anyway you get the point. i think it's exciting to see women out and proud of any kind. espically for those women still in the closet - who think that life should be a sexless, shameful, slip into depression.

72 Hours...Really Papi, Really?

2007-03-05T23:24:00.000-05:00

In an age where 9 year olds have cell phones and wifi wonder lands are mixed with our mocha lattes, I find it disheartening, no, dispicable that there is still a 72 hour hold on filing a missing personing persons report.

72 hours was appropriate before internet cafe's were in major metropolitan areas and rest stops, before truck drivers added cell phones to their CB radios. It was a plausible time line to connet with a loved one who didn't have so much as an answering machine.

However, in today's world, communications technology has to start working for the protection of people not just in the exploitation of people (think myspace stalkers, pedophile rings etc.)

Instead of spending another year watching "To Catch a Predator" episodes on dateline, why don't we start implimenting simple policies that enable those trained - ie the police force - to save more lives exponetially than one guy on one tv show?

I'm not suggesting watering down the waiting period to 6 horus - but I think scaling back 72 to 36 hours can make a vast improvment on the number of people saved. Or at least the number of cold cases.

It's a seemingly flexable policy - one that may impact results directly. policy like this should be more fluid in it's reliance on technology - and shouldn't law enforcement have a broader scope of technology, beyond a predator centric (pretending to be 14 year old boys in a perv heavy chatroom) and more focused on the victims needs?

72 hours still???

really papi, really?

Man-mosa anyone?

2007-03-03T11:02:00.000-05:00

Oh let it begin! St patty's month is here! Come 2 hoboken 2 see our dancers! We re already drinking but the parade dosent start until 1 ! So there's still time 2 come out and show ur stuff!
Sent from my BlackBerry wireless handheld.

I <3 Idol

2007-02-27T21:19:00.000-05:00

he said this in response to someone's song choice - and i thought

really, papi? really?

"I have my finger on the pulse of the 1 year old market"

2007-02-27T11:50:00.000-05:00

(birthday boy!)

Erin Erin! Why dost though live in our nations capital and not in my womb- er -around the block like you used to?

This weekend was a glory of of good times! Erin was in town for a doctors appointment, her g-ma's 80th bday party (which I told everyone was her 90th but at that age really whats another 10 years), and to be my best friend like old times. What a great fuckin time it was!

Sat morning before dance I was able to meet up with Erin & Kelly for lattes and belly laughs. Tears streaking kelly's face because of something I mispronouced. Erin begged Kelly to join our HFS Facebook Group because noone has her memory and resources (her mother is like the unoffical source for all things HFS). It was so good to just be together. the 3 amigos being extreamly loud in starbucks about how fat our nuns were and how much we all suck at math.

While I went to a crazy dance practice - susan and I were task masters and stressed b/c it's MARCH in like a day!!! Erin went off to scavenge for prezzies to bring to Jess's son's first bday party. I struggled with ideas, something irish (considering the lagster and jess are pretty much italien), something warm?

"I mean, her mother hates me, so I dont want us to show up with some medocre gift. Our gift has to be the greatest and most thought provoking gift ever given to a child." ~ me
"Bridgie, I have my finger on the pulse of the 1 year old market. I'll get something really educational to make Michael like a baby prodigy." ~ erin
"as long as its loud." ~ me

We headed out for the party looking pretty damn fantastic. erin wore her pink and black flowery number (she was arriving from her g-ma's bday luncheon) and I sported a canary yellow satin top, jeans, and red red red accessories (red beads, red shoes, red bag, and nanas red coat). We drove all the way to the lagsters talking politics and family drama. At one point we were so engrossed in the "Crazy Aunt Texas who's son asked my mother what it's like to live in a house with a 'republican for a daughter'" conversation we thought we were lost.

It's been a long time since we a)visited the lagster and b) did so in the day time.

Eventually we made it to the party - the place looked like it was rocking. Cars filling up the drive way and pouring out onto the street like someone spilled a box of nerds. SUVS and Minis and eclipses and us in our slinky gray malibu. oh we were hot.

We walk in and noone really looks at us. There was a nursing home conference in the formal-noone-sits-in-here living room so I'm pretty sure they didn't hear us walk in. And it seemed that everyone in the kitchen was occupied by the food or scared of how galourus we were. There weren't really even kids running around like there should be at a 1 year olds bday. The silence which could have been family tension (jury's still out) was broken by the funniest phrase :

"OH MY LORD! WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT YOU!" ~ the-mother-that-hates-me

i gave my best attempt to hide my "i'm sure you were" snicker and gave her a hug hello. It was like the clouds had parted and the random two people who don't get caught up in the bullshit and who know even less people than the baby daddy does had arrived. and we did. Everyone in the kitchen stood to welcome us!

Jess gave us the best hugs ever - she seemed so relieved to have us there which was a surprising bonus to the evening. The lagster also appeared from somewhere in the far reaches of the house to accost us tightly. i'll have to explain to her, in a nice way, that when she gets a running start and our boobs slam into each others it hurts me. like a lot.

Then Grandma Janet, who is serisoulsy like the cutest great grandma ever. She should be on the cover of every grandparents mag. And then this guy stands up in the corner and erin is like "Holy Cow! How are you?!" And he's all coming in for the hug (all 8 ft of him) saying "I ahven't seen you guys in forever!"

I think I channeled itzel or seomthing b/c i stood still and kinda pointed at him, looked at jess confused and said rather bluntly, "Do i know this guy?"
"That's MARK!" ~ erin and jess

Mark!! As in Mark, who was literally 7 years old the last time i saw him!!! Standing 8 ft tall, looking very much like a real life adult, with a voice like barry white - MARK!!
"Holy Shit!" this is not the kind of thing you censor yourself on!

I couldn't believe my eyes, he is like a normal person now. 17 years old, normal kid. very crazy considering the last time i saw him a block of lockers fell on top of him and he broke his leg. he prolly also liked power rangers then too, and talked like he swallowed a squeeky toy. It was a very surreal moment.

the next best intro was to Mr. Zanio! My 7th grade teacher turned mentor for all things life. He is one of the most saracastic and funny people I'll ever meet. When I told erin about the party a week ago (aka when i was freaking about what present to buy) i was trying to back out of it. "Like we won't know anyone there. and it'll be all this family and then us. Like mrs. DeOlive, mr. DeOlive, Baby Daddy, and Mr. Zaino" ~me
"OMG until the moment I forgot that Mr. Zaino would here! That is the greatest thing ever. I'm sorry bridgie but there is no way we are missing this now!" ~eirn

(the lagster and birthday boy)

So yeah mr. zaino, who is of course sporting some kind of mustache which just looks too funny for words, gives me and erin a hero's welcome in his own way. "Still can't get rid of yous can we?!" The rest of the party was so great. Crazy, but great. Michael is the funniest kid ever - I hope he wants to hang out with me when he's older cause the's the chillest baby.

While mingling and nicknaming people - Mark's girlfirend was known as "GoodBye June" cause he's gonna dump her before summer/college begins! I saw mr. zanio start to sneak off to have a smoke (he is after all Grandpa Nick-O-Tine) I started to follow him, "Oh you smoke now do ya?" ~ mr zaion
"I'm addicted to second hand smoke. Tryin to cut back but you know how it is..."~ me

we had a very nice enlightened chat on the porch, and while standing there - looking into the wilderness of MIDDLE OF NOWHERE NJ, i coudn't believe that this was happening. I have had so much love and respect with him as a writer and teacher and just funny guy since I was 12/13. I just couldn't believe that we were swapping life stores ten years later, on his daughers porch, while celebrating his granddaughters son's (his great grandson's) first birthday.

We have plans to hit up slam poetry events in nyc - he'll talk about all the people he drives to and from airports and i can offer refreshments to the crowd.

-- blonde moments include amoung others:
* spelling my name wrong on the t-shirt (bridet) ----- and ERIN HAD TO TELL ME CAUSE I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
* explaining that ohio is only 2 hours to the EAST of rochester
* "so say joe wants a website that tells him how he can get to and from the airport" ~ mother-that-hates-me
"where's joe? have i met him?" ~me
"she means, like joe somebody" ~erin
"so you could do that? like make a site where someone can find a way to and from the airport...given the airline times and stuff?" ~mother-that-hates-me
"Well, yea but it would take a while cause that's like coding and math and maps and stuff" ~ me
"she means so that you can book a driver, bridget" ~erin

--

The cousins from Staten Island were really hilarious. You had jerzy accents, erin's fake minesota/b-more drawl, and this broad who married into the family to produce the most selfish children alive. This baby girl, like 19 months, was opening all of michael's prezzies in front of this broad. She says diddly and we all just kinda oogle hexes her way. But she's tough, she didn't give up her weakness until later on in the night when erin is like "Oh i love the name lola, i want to name my daughter something like that."
"well i named her laura so noone could nick name her but me. so i call her lar-lar and everyone thinks its lola"

-- i should audio post an impression of this woman b/c her accent is so thick you couldn't tell a diff between the two names.

"i named ha lore-eh so noon could nick name-a ha but me. so i cawl ha la-lor and everyones tinks its low-lor."

Did u know that one of the best hooks in music is a christian song. "Spirit in the Sky" Norman Greenbaum

2007-02-23T23:07:00.000-05:00

http://sloganx.blogspot.com/2007/02/dear-tuesday.html

clever !

Sperm Troopers (СПЭРМ ТРУПЭРС).

2007-02-23T18:45:00.001-05:00

gotta be one of the funniest things I've seen in a LONG time!

makes me think of the shit me and erin and kelly would make up in grade school. Sans the lesbian sub plot

from now on please call me

2007-02-22T17:08:00.000-05:00

little miss popular pants

courtesy of FOUND MAGAZINE (really to becca who turned me onto this site like 3 years ago)